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Breaking News NOW!
|Breaking News NOW!|
|Parent Company||The Roy Disney Company (a division of Feline Holdings)|
Breaking News NOW! is a service to bring you all of the breaking news NOW! A subsidiary of The Roy Disney Company.
|Kevtropolis Mayor Plotted To Use BNN! To Advance Anti-Jaywalking Agenda|
KevAKAtheGr8, mayor of Kevtropolis, plotted to use BNN! to advance his city's policies towards enforcement of anti-jaywalking laws, a new report by BNN!'s investigative team uncovered.
Internal documents from the Kevtropolis Department of Transportation, including a memo from the mayor to the transportation commissioner, show that the mayor wanted to "deliberately make a bunch of stuff about the traffic enforcement public as much as posible (sic)" in order to ensure BNN! picked up on the story. The mayor states in the memo his desire for a "story on BNN" about the subject, in which he misspells the name of BNN! as BNN, which is a completely separate organization with no connection to or affiliation with BNN!
KevAKAtheGr8 declined our request for comment.
|Man Doesn't Get The Joke In BNN! Article|
BNN! came under fire recently from Frederick Houghton, 26, of Coronado, the best friend of local Kevtropolis man, Richard Salisbury, who was previously featured by BNN! in an article about his steadfast commitment to social responsibility through self-censorship. Houghton took issue with a BNN! article mocking the censorship of words and topics without considering the context in which they are used, saying that the article should have censored a certain topic without considering the context in which it was used.
Houghton criticized the article for its ironic juxtaposition of a racist mob targeting the dictionary definition of a word over its perceived racism, while continuing its actually racist activities. Houghton said the article paralleled the target of the article, the type of person who cares more about censorship of words than actual offensive ideas, to a racist mob. A BNN! public relations spokesperson told Houghton that the joke was merely intended to make an extreme example of the type of behavior mocked in the article, but Houghton replied that making an extreme example of what it would be like if a racist mob exhibited the behavior mocked in the article necessitated that BNN! was implying that anyone who exhibits such behavior is akin to a racist mob.
BNN!'s chief of public relations declined to comment.
|Man Censors Language Towards Scum, Low-Life Hooligans To Avoid Sounding Disrespectful|
In an effort to avoid unnecessarily offending people, a local Kevtropolis man, Richard Salisbury, 27, altered his vocabulary when cursing out a group of good-for-nothing human waste teenagers walking beside him on the sidewalk. Salisbury told BNN! that it is important in our day and age to be sensitive to the feelings of other people and be selective in our choice of vocabulary.
"I hope you eat shit and die," Salisbury thought to himself when he saw the group of teenagers walking aside him. But he was quick to filter out his language, he told BNN!, and simply told them to rip out their own intestines and suffocate on them while suffering a slow and painful death. "I really feel like I made a positive impact in the world today," he commented.
But Salisbury isn't alone in his efforts to make the word a cleaner place. A local chapter of the Ku Klux Klan gathered at the headquarters of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary in the United States over concerns that the inclusion of the n-word in their latest edition was an act of racism, protesting outside the building by lynching three African Americans. "We want to show them that we are willing to take a stand," their spokesman told BNN! at the scene.
|Ikeda, South Weast Charter, IntraAir Heli Lines Leave SkyTransit, Form Breakaway Alliance|
At a press conference on Thursday, the executives of Ikeda, South Weast Charter, and IntraAir Heli Lines announced that their airlines were leaving SkyTransit Alliance, effective immediately, and forming a new airline alliance, the Atmospheric Transportation Alliance, or ATA. The airline executives told reporters in the conference that their airlines were not afforded enough opportunities in SkyTransit Alliance, and that the new alliance would benefit the airlines by restricting their decisions on aircraft usage, signage, routes, gates, and ground services. Hailing it as a new era in the airline industry, the CEO of IntraAir Heli Lines announced that airlines that join the alliance will have the right to ditch the aircraft they already have the rights to and use their own aircraft free of charge.
The news was not, however, met with unanimous praise. The CEO of IntraAir, a member of SkyTransit Alliance, criticized IntraAir Heli Lines for leaving the alliance, saying that its CEO should step down. IntraAir Heli Lines' CEO fired back, saying the CEO of IntraAir was a failed leader and should resign instead. The two airlines subsequently began running ad campaigns against each other. Ikeda's board of directors issued a statement backing IntraAir Heli Lines and sharply criticizing IntraAir, which was followed by a statement from Caelus criticizing Ikeda's livery, aircraft design, cabin interior, and branding, saying that the airline would not miss Ikeda in SkyTransit Alliance. South Weast Airlines and South Weast Charter subsequently banned each other from each others' airports.
|Titsensaki Bids For Waterville 2018 Winter Olympics|
The city of Titsensaki announced today their bid to host the Waterville 2018 Winter Olympic games. The mayor of Titsensaki, frogggggg, made the announcement at a press conference, in which he touted Titsensaki's world class sporting facilities, transportation, and accommodations, and announced the beginnings of preparations to host the games.
In the press conference, which lasted about thirty seconds, the mayor announced his plan to make a plan on the location and scale of the venues and to expand transportation by increasing the frequency of flights from Titsensaki Regional Airport. He congratulated Waterville on its victory in receiving the Winter Olympics, and said Titsensaki would be proud to host Waterville's Olympic games come this December. We reached out to Waterville mayor Skelezomperman and Olympic Commissioner airplane320 for their reaction, neither responded to our request for comment.
|Atlantic Ocean Renamed After Aspiring Student Writes Letter To UN|
The United Nations General Assembly has passed a resolution to rename the Atlantic Ocean to Poseidon's Teacup, after it received a letter from Shelby Donahue, age 9, of Cedar Rapids, Iowa, in which she proposed changing the name of the world's second largest ocean. The letter, which was written for an assignment for Shelby's 4th grade creative writing class, was mailed to the United Nations Secretary General António Guterres at the UN headquarters in New York City. The letter, in which Shelby wrote about her fascination for the Greek god of the sea, and in which she mentioned tea to be her favorite beverage, was read in front of the General Assembly by Nikki Haley, the United States ambassador to the United Nations, before the General Assembly voted 143-50 to adopt the resolution changing the name of the ocean. The United States did not vote to adopt the resolution, as concerns were discussed in the US Senate that accepting any act by the United Nations would mean heading one step closer to a totalitarian one world government, nor did several Middle Eastern countries such as Saudi Arabia, Iran, and Pakistan, which expressed concerns that making an idol of the false god of Poseidon was the equivalent of blasphemy.
|Man Discards Gum On Public Sidewalk, Held At Gunpoint For Aggravated Vandalism|
A 32 year old man in Ashmore last Monday found himself held at gunpoint by a heavily armored police SWAT team after he discarded of his used chewing gum by tossing it onto the sidewalk. The assailant was reported to police by a good samaritan, who noticed the offense and flagged down a nearby police vehicle, telling them to "arrest him". The officers called for backup, and portions of 2nd Street were briefly shut down as an armed Ashmore Police SWAT team moved in on the suspect, riot gear in hand, and demanded that he get on the ground and put his hands behinds his back. An Ashmore Police spokeswoman told BNN! that the man has been charged with aggravated vandalism, as well as endangering the welfare of a child, as a six year old girl barely missed stepping in the discarded gum, and second degree murder, as a car was forced to swerve away to avoid colliding with the responding SWAT vehicles, hitting a pole and killing the driver.
|Airchester Airport Company Replaces Epsilon International With Apple AirPort, Plans Yearly Upgrades|
The Airchester Airport Company announced in a press conference today that the current iteration of Epsilon International Airport in Airchester will be torn down and replaced by the latest generation of Apple's AirPort. The CEO of the Airchester Airport Company, Cortesi, told reporters that, given Epsilon's frequent upgrade cycle, it would be more efficient to outsource construction to a private company.
Cortesi said that the company chose Apple's AirPort as it was a reliable product that would see new, innovative, and exciting features with each yearly release. The latest AirPort, the 7S, has a bigger terminal and more vibrant carpeting, and a 15% wider runway. Airport executives lined up around the block of their nearest Apple store upon the AirPort 7S' September release, looking to get their hands on Apple's latest piece of innovation. "I thought the AirPort 7 was great, but now that the 7S is out I can't let our passengers willow around in that piece of garbage," said one of the executives BNN! interviewed at the Apple Store in Segville. "The terminal lighting in the 7S is 5.6% brighter. It's a real game changer."
The Airchester Airport Company plans to order the new AirPort sometime in November, but the company is reportedly trying to find an air traffic control operator that does not require a two-year contract.
|EXCLUSIVE - BNN! Not Fake News, According To New BNN! Report|
The reporting and journalism of BNN! is accurate, fair, and trustworthy, states the conclusion of a thorough investigative report by BNN! BNN!'s investigative reporters combed through the archives of BNN!'s achievements in journalism, from its award winning reporting from the battlefields of the Great War with WolvHaven, to its exposé on the sex trafficking ring operating out of the Admod Building, and its fair and balanced coverage of MHF_Question's inspiring, courageous campaign to replace Frumple's Canadian agenda with his own vision for the future. The report, which cited this article as a source, concluded that BNN! has never been deceitful or duplicitous in its conveyance of the facts of each and every story it reports, and that it takes every measure to ensure the accuracy and integrity of all of the work that it publishes.
|Mossack Fonseca Announces Identity Theft Protection Service|
Mossack Fonseca held a press conference on Monday to announce the founding of Mossack Fonseca Identity Services, or MFIS, which aims to help its customers protect their personal information from identity theft. At the conference, CEO KittyCat11231 touted that MFIS would procure peace of mind for its users, allowing them to rest easy knowing their personal information is safe in their hands.
To sign up for Mossack Fonseca's new service, users are prompted to enter in a username and password, security questions to ensure the safeguarding of their account, as well as additional documentation including their full name, age, sex, phone number, address of residence, credit card information, social security number, Google account username and password, photocopies of their driver's license, most recent bank statement, most recent federal and state tax returns, and birth certificate, and an image of their thumbprint. The information is stored on secure servers, and is used to allow MFIS to easily identify identity theft attempts.
The service is completely free to sign up for and use, as detailed on the 50th page of the terms of service agreement:
"There is no charge to sign up for an account or use the service. By using the service you absolve Mossack Fonseca of any civil or criminal liability for the manner in which any information obtained through the submission of documents and other information to the site is handled and utilized."
Mossack Fonseca has been working with sister company Roy Disney Adworks to create an advertising campaign for the new service, which includes publication of CEO KittyCat11231's social security number on various billboards and vehicles.
|Hard And Serious News With BNN!|
The proud journalists here at BNN! recognize that our viewers are in need of some serious, fact based news reporting. We recognize that it would be inappropriate of us to use humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues, and our new standard of reporting will reflect these values from now on.
Road Begins Construction
A road somewhere on the server that someone wanted to build was approved for building and is now being built by that builder.
Town Mayor Pardons Himself
The mayor of a town somewhere pardoned himself in response to allegations made in a joke article, which he denied.
Mayor Who Pardoned Self Interviews Self
Shortly before issuing his own pardon, the mayor of that town we mentioned interviewed himself about that thing he didn't do.
BNN! didn't bother to reach out for comment on any of these stories.
|Post This Message On 10 Wiki Pages Or Your Minecraft Will Be DDoSed|
POST THIS MESSAGE ON ALL YOUR WIKI PAGES AND TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS!!
Due to recent requests, and messages we are going to advise that you all post this message on any wiki page you own or frequently edit!!
You are at massive risk of your Minecraft being hacked by the DDoS if you do not do this!!
Log into your wiki account and look up how to edit pages if you don’t know how to, until the DDoS is no longer in your Minecraft we suggest you follow the instructions given to you by us!!
Fill yourself with knowledge about this so you are put at less risk!
|An Interview With Roy Disney CEO KittyCat11231|
BNN! senior correspondent KittyCat11231 sat down with the CEO of The Roy Disney Company, KittyCat11231, in an exclusive interview. Here's how it went.
KittyCat11231: Hello, welcome to our office and thank you for letting BNN! interview you today.
KittyCat11231: I mean ultimately it's my office but yea, sure. Hello.
KittyCat11231: So I'm gonna get right to the scandal that's been plaguing the company for a while now. What is your response to the piece written by The Radish about MBS?
KittyCat11231: Well we at Roy Disney stand by the journalism of all our companies, including MBS. The Radish clearly fabricated an interview between myself and one of its "journalists", and used it to peddle false and defamatory claims to undermine the legitimacy of the hard work done by the reporters at MBS News.
KittyCat11231: Is it true that MBS was founded at a secret meeting in an evil mountain lair?
KittyCat11231: No, that is a complete fabrication, and I resent the attempt by The Radish to paint us as some sort of malevolent force. We just want to bring our viewers the most accurate and fair representation of what's going on on the server they live in.
KittyCat11231: What do you have to say about The Radish being allowed to make such a publication with no consequence?
KittyCat11231: Well I think it's outrageous, honestly, that the staff would let them get away with this. It's been far too long that news agencies have been able to report with such fragrant disregard for truth. Which is why I'm officially proposing to the GSM that no form of communication be allowed which should slander our good name.
KittyCat11231: Well what should consumers do to avoid this fragrant disregard for truth and get real, honest reporting?
KittyCat11231: They should turn to the proud tradition of reporting at our Roy Disney family of companies, such as at MBS News, or even at BNN!
KittyCat11231: It's good to know there are some sources of quality journalism out there. Where can people find out more information about these organizations?
KittyCat11231: That's what the wiki is for. Our journalists' work and effort is easily accessible on our wiki pages, and even on YouTube.
KittyCat11231: Well thanks for coming for the interview. I'm sure our readers will be happy to check those places out. Oh, and later on, can we discuss that question I had earlier about getting a raise?
KittyCat11231: Remind me at 2.
|Up And Coming Satirical News Organization Sued For Defamation|
An up and coming satirical news organization has been sued in The Federation Civil Court by the Infant Mortality Foundation, a non-profit organization devoted to the euthanasia of young children, for defamation and making false statements, in response to a satirical report in which it was accused of not using child safety locks on the gas chambers and arsenic containers in its main warehouse.
The Infant Mortality Foundation, or IMF, denied the allegations made in the report, and alleged that the satirical article was misleading, false, and defamatory. IMF made a statement on its website saying that satirical articles should adhere to a standard of accuracy, and not make use of humor, irony, or exaggeration.
BNN! reached out to editor of the satirical article for comment, and our reporters were told that they could not comment on pending litigation.
|Mossack Fonseca Did Not Assist Tax Evasion Of MinecraftYoshi26, BNN! Confirms|
BNN! has confirmed that MinecraftYoshi26’s years long scheme to defraud authorities and evade paying income tax, unvealed by a report from The Radish, was not assisted, aided, or abbetted in any way by Mossack Fonseca.
Immediately following the report released by The Radish, BNN! set out to confirm as a matter of absolute fact the natural conclusion that Mossack Fonseca was not a part of Yoshi’s scheme. Mossack Fonseca contacted us through the Feline Holdings internal hotline before we were able to reach out to them to clarify their lack of involvement in the scandal, before listing a range of other activities which Mossack Fonseca isn’t and has never been involved with.
KittyCat11231, Feline Holdings CEO and director of BNN! and Mossack Fonseca, told us that he is proud of Mossack Fonseca’s legacy of non-involvement with tax evasion scandals, and of BNN!’s proud tradition of editorial independence.
The Radish attempted to verify the conclusions reached by BNN!, but its investigative reporting team mysteriously vanished soon after contacting Mossack Fonseca. After brief concern regarding their whereabouts, the Radish reporters appeared on camera in an undisclosed location to make a non-coerced confirmation of the accuracy of each and every detail of BNN!’s reporting, before announcing their leave of absence on an extended vacation.
MinecraftYoshi26 declined our request for comment, but we can assume he would confirm his sole and unassisted responsibility for his transgressions.
|Admins Discuss Secret Plan At ASM To Influence WolvHaven Elections|
At the Administrative Staff Meeting on August 5th, BNN! has learned the Admins discussed a top secret operation to influence elections in WolvHaven in order to install a pro-MRT regime. The operation was to include a funneling of contributions to the Puppet State Party in WolvHaven, which has announced its plans to contest in the next Parliamentary election. A release of misinformation targeted towards WolvHaven internet users was also plotted, as well as a cyber attack on the electronic systems used to tabulate votes.
WolvHaven's Minister of Foreign Affairs was asked to comment to BNN! on the allegations against the MRT Administration, but was mysteriously shot dead upon arriving at MRT International Airport, in what MRT authorities say was a suicide, before he disposed of his own body and cleaned up the scene.
Frumple declined our request for an interview.
|ENTERTAINMENT - Fred Rail Movie Leaves A Punch At The Box Office|
Moviegoers are lining up around the block to get their hands on tickets to the new Fred Rail Movie, which has left audiences thrilled and critics raving following its July 12th release. But does the film live up to all the hype? BNN! film critic Anton Ego went to find out.
The first thing you’ll experience watching the Fred Rail Movie is the stunning visuals. Going $10 million over budget during production and having the release date delayed several times over two years seems to have rewarded itself with the most impressive visual experience of its time. Vibrant colors and excellent composition can be attributed to the hard work of director Christopher C. and the production crew at Fred Pictures.
But even a well composed film is nothing without a story to tell, and the Fred Rail Movie’s talented cast brings to live an excellently written and produced screenplay. A story of action and adventure, romance and hardship, love and sacrafice, the riveting plot keeps the audience on the edge of their seats at every turn. While the exposition could have been less slow and drawn out, the plot soon picks up and brings the viewers on an adventure they will never forget.
However, the conclusion of the film left us in shock, at the immensity of what had just happened, and at the writers and directors who envisioned the ending of the plot. The tragic twist seems intent on packing the audience with one last gut wrenching surprise, but left us feeling angry over the disrespect shown towards the audience by ending the movie on such a devastating conclusion. It is also unclear how the ending leaves any room open for a sequel, which The Radish reports is already in the works at Fred Pictures.
All-in-all though, despite the ending of the film, the Fred Rail Movie is a spectacular piece of cinematography that may easily go down as a classic. We give it four out of five stars.
|Environmental Terrorist Group Can’t Take A Joke|
The MRT Greener Party, an environmental terrorist group led by Purrcat2010 and exposed by The Radish for its illegal activites, has launched a crackdown on satirical humor used to portray the organization in a perceived negative light.
Purrcat2010, the leader of the terrorist organization, demanded that a local up and coming satirical newspaper, The Daily Beet, retract an article accusing the MRT Greener Party of placing plastic water bottles in the trash instead of a designated recycling can. Purrcat2010 stated The Daily Beet did not seek his permission to write the story, and that the MRT Greener Party would never do the things indicated in the article, apparently not understanding how satire works. Purrcat2010 wrote in a letter to The Daily Beet that it would regret the day it decided to publish the article. A source tells BNN! the letter was laced with a mysterious white powder, and that five editors at The Daily Beet were found unconscious and not breathing in their office.
Authorities are investigating the incident, and managed to track down the post office the letter was sent from due to the unrecycled water bottles sitting in a trash can just outside.
When asked to comment to BNN!, Purrcat2010 sent a letter to the BNN! head office, which also contained similar white powder. Three editors at BNN! have not been seen for three days.
|Environmental Terrorist Group Tries To Silence The Press|
An environmental terrorist group, the MRT Greener Party led by Purrcat2010, has tried to prevent The Radish newspaper from publishing an exposé on the organization's illegal planting of large jungle trees on private property at the Rank Resort.
Purrcat2010, the leader of the terrorist organization responsible for the reforestation, tried to discredit The Radish as part of the "fake news media" that silenced his populist message and had "Krooked Kastle" elected President of the United Cities, and demanded The Radish retract the story.
The Radish announced it was standing by its publication, which led to the MRT Greener Party bombing The Radish Central City bureau to oblivion, before of course planting trees in its place to restore the land to its former natural glory.
Purrcat2010 declined to comment to BNN!
|BREAKING NEWS - BART Disbanded For Mocking Capitalism, Disparaging American MRT Members|
Bay Area Rapid Transit, or BART, the megacorporation founded by _Kastle, has been disbanded by the staff following complaints that the company unfairly mocked the United States of America's political values. The company was disbanded shortly a strongly worded complaint from American MRT member PtldKnight, who wrote that it was rude to make fun of America's political values and method of how its government is run, telling BART CEO _Kastle that he should "make fun of your own country".
|POLITICS - KittyCat11231 Concedes UC Attorney General Race|
KittyCat11231 has announced that he will concede the election to be Attorney General of the United Cities. In a heartfelt speech before his supporters on Thursday, Kitty announced his concession, telling supporters that the United Cities needed change, and urged them to vote for his opponent, who decimated KittyCat11231 in BNN! opinion polling.
|MRT NewsChannel Reporter Writes Article About Self In The Third Person: Is He Fit To Own A News Company?|
After the failure of United Cities Resolution 96, Skelezomperman, the sponsor of the resolution, had an apparent breakdown. He was seen cursing at some people and yelling at others to "make their own proposal", apparently not listening to anyone else. He then oddly used his own news company as a forum to question his own behavior, writing an article questioning whether he is fit to hold office. This raises the question: Is Mr. Zomperman fit to own a respectable news organization?
|Mossack Fonseca Intelligence Services Crack Secret Code With First Page Of Google Search Results|
Mossack Fonseca Intelligence Services has announced it has cracked a secret code, in Operation "Codename Couchman", using a website at the top of the first page of Google search results. The secret code was previously thought to be the most secure known to mankind, and Mossack Fonseca had dedicated the full resources of its intelligence team to crack it, before an intern getting coffee for a manager Googled "binary translator", clicked on the first result, and used copy and paste.
The intern has since been hailed as a hero within Mossack Fonseca and promoted to a senior managerial position within Mossack Fonseca Intelligence Services.
|POLITICS - Feline PAC Announces Projected Increase In Ad Spending Over Next Few Weeks|
Feline PAC has announced it is projecting an increase in ad spending over the course of the next few weeks. The organization stated that the money will be used to create and market extensive ad campaigns. It has also announced it will be coordinating with Mossack Fonseca Political Services to help its influence "reach its maximum potential".
|Report Finds Copyright Infringement Common In News Media|
A report from Mossack Fonseca has found that copyright infringement is increasingly found in news media. The report finds that, despite new United Cities regulations preventing individuals and organizations from using trademarked words, phrases, and images which were registered with the United Cities' new trademark office, trademark infringement continues to be a rampant, widespread problem. The United Cities had published a large advertising campaign to gain support for the new regulations, telling the public to get hyped over the new proposal, and showing Team Taco, Team Bacon, and Team Burrito teaming up to end trademark infringement. The new regulations formed a new trademark office of the United Cities, titled the Trademark Appreciating Coalition of Organizations Bringing Unconditional Regretless Reform and Infringement of Trademark Obstruction Associating Honorable Organizations of Nobility, or TACOBURRITOATHON, which registered all trademarks to be protected under the new regulations. The Trademark Bearing Alliance of Trademark Holding Organizations of Nobility, or TBATHON, lobbied heavily for the new regulations, and spent advertising money on its own advertising campaign in support of the regulations through its political action committee, Wonderful PAC Allied of Trademark Holding Organizations of Nobility, or WPAThon, in which it showed a stadium, titled the WestPacificAThon Arena, held an event called the TacoBaconAThon, in which it showed noble heroes fighting against the evil spirit of copyright infringement. After the phrase "Let the games begin" was broadcast throughout the stadium, the heroes violently fought against the evil spirit until it was killed. During the fight, it showed audiences watching around the world in Crystal City in the winder of 2013, Vinemarsh in 2014, Kitania in 2015, Laclede in the spring of 2016, Alturas in the summer of 2016, Whiteley in the fall of 2016, Segville in the fall of 2016, Ravenna in the spring of 2017, and Covina and Fort Yaxier in the summer of 2017. The advertising campaign generated global popularity despite frequent misspellings of the event it portrayed, labeling it the BaconTacoAThon, BurritoTacoAThon, Winter TacoBurritoAThon, and Winter TBAThon.
The Mossack Fonseca report showed that all of these efforts to combat copyright infringement have failed. TBATHON responded to request for comment, in that it announced it would lobby for further regulations, titled the CompoundTacoWordBurritoThonTaco Act.
In other news, BNN!'s legal division announced today it had received a cease and desist notice from the legal division of the following organization:
|BREAKING NEWS - April The Giraffe Executed By Firing Squad|
April the Giraffe was found dead Wednesday night after being executed by a firing squad. Witnesses reported seeing black helicopters descend upon the Animal Adventure Park in Harpursville, NY, from which a group of men in black riot gear and semiautomatic firearms stormed into the complex. Gunshots were reported in the vicinity of the giraffe pen, and April the Giraffe was found dead of multiple gunshot wounds. According to officials, her unborn calf was hacked out with a machete and stabbed 20 times before being doused with gasoline and lit on fire.
One of the men from the helicopters left a trail of blood on the pavement from his shoe. The blood was DNA tested and found to match Covina mayor _Kastle.
Mossack Fonseca has denied involvement.
|ECONOMY - Stock Prices For Riot Gear, Semiautomatic Weapons, Gasoline Producers Surge Following Bulk Order By Mossack Fonseca|
Stock prices are rising today, particularly among riot gear, weapons, and gasoline producers, following a recent bulk order from Mossack Fonseca, which provided much needed capital to the companies. Rex Tilleryannosaurason, CEO of the Shady Oil Company, told BNN! the purchase led the company to reverse a previous plan to lay off 650 of its workers.
Mossack Fonseca has declined to comment on its intent for the items it purchased.
|United Cities Declares War On Shadowpoint For Voting Against Resolution To Remove Shadowpoint|
The President of the United Cities has signed a resolution authorizing the United Cities to declare war on Shadowpoint for voting against a resolution which would terminate Shadowpoint's membership in the organization. The war declaration, which read "The United Cities DECLARES WAR against Shadowpoint for DOING SOMETHING WE DON'T LIKE!!!", was signed by President _Kastle Thursday evening after passing the General Assembly x to 1, where x + 1 equals the amount of United Cities member states. All member states of the United Cities will contribute to the military effort by providing military and financial support.
Shadowpoint filed a lawsuit in the United Cities Court, which was quickly bombarded by coalition forces, resulting in the courthouse being taken hostage and the justices being killed. The case was referred to a military tribunal which dismissed Shadowpoint's claims and charged it with treason.
The war effort interrupted efforts by the Danielston delegation to promote economic growth by lowering taxes 5000%.
|BART News Network Accuses MinecraftYoshi26 Of Hiding Government Corruption|
BART News Network CEO _Kastle publicly accused MinecraftYoshi26 Thursday evening of withholding evidence of government corruption. A BART news team reportedly requested access to an area closed off abruptly by the MRT government, leading MinecraftYoshi26 to deny access. Yoshi also refused to answer questions from the journalists.
BART News Network's Central City bureau chief Moonfang123 attempted to contact sources at the Admod Building, to no avail.
"We will continue to search for information on whatever happened in this area of the server," Moonfang said in an exclusive interview with BNN! "We won't let the staff hide the evidences of their negligence."
MinecraftYoshi26 did not respond to requests for comment.
|Pan Puno Skies Web Development Team Seen Trespassing In IntraAir Offices|
The web development team for Pan Puno Skies faces allegations of trespassing into the IntraAir offices at the Feline Holdings headquarters, according to a statement from the Feline Holdings Trade Enforcement Police. The Pan Puno employees allegedly were found with flash drives and cameras, which contained files taken from IntraAir computers and pictures of computer screens crudely taken over the shoulders of IntraAir employees. The flash drives were also found to contain pirated copies of Microsoft Paint 1985 edition.
The incident comes after a previous scandal in which Ben Warp Rail employees were caught trespassing in IntraRail's web design offices. The Feline Holdings Trade Enforcement Police has not commented on whether the two incidents were related.
Pan Puno Skies has denied the alleged trespassers were its employees, shortly after instructing them over the phone to wear fake mustaches, a call which was intercepted by the Feline Holdings Trade Enforcement Police.
|Benion Stock Exchange Collapses, Economy In Crisis|
The Benion economy is in turmoil following the collapse of the Benion Stock Exchange, blamed by most economists on the bankruptcy of Dave's Corner Store. Investors were seen racing in panic Monday evening as they rushed to sell shares before the price plummeted. The Benion government-in-exile announced as an emergency measure that the marketplace has been shut down effective immediately.
Stay tuned for further developments.
|DEVELOPING - Mayor of Covina Goes Missing, Mossack Fonseca Denies Involvement|
BNN! has learned that Covina mayor _Kastle went missing Friday night. The Covina Military reported it could not verify the whereabouts of the mayor after an intensive three minute search operation. Covina is currently under lockdown as authorities search for _Kastle. All flights out of ATC have been canceled and no passengers have been permitted to enter or leave the airport. All Covina border checkpoints have been closed, and helicopters were seen late Friday night flying over areas of Covina.
Some witnesses reported seeing suspicious vehicles outside the Covina City Hall Friday evening. One eyewitness reported seeing a black van with Kitanian license plates outside the city hall shortly before _Kastle was reported missing. Another eyewitness reported sights of helicopters in the vicinity.
Shortly after the time the mayor was reported to go missing, IntraAir flight 41 was taken out of service and quickly departed ATC with no passengers onboard. Passengers reported being herded off the plane by men in black suits and glasses. One airport patron reported seeing black painted vehicles on the airport tarmac in the vicinity of the plane.
Mossack Fonseca released a statement regarding the matter, saying that it has no involvement in the disappearance, despite the fact that it had not been mentioned or accused at that time regarding the incident. Mossack Fonseca spokesperson Jared Fogle told reporters that there was no reason to believe that Mossack Fonseca had kidnapped the mayor of Covina, even as retribution for a poorly written slanderous article against its job-creating economy-moving ride hailing service. Fogle then handed a leaflet promoting this service to the reporters at the press conference.
IntraAir flight 41 was tracked by air traffic control as it was flown out of service past the world border, where it went off radar and has not been seen since. Records gained from an employee of Mossack Fonseca, obtained by BNN! on the condition of anonymity, show that vehicles from Mossack Fonseca's Special Operations Division went missing from the company's garages in the vicinity of Covina. Three helicopters were taken from Mossack Fonseca's heliport in an undisclosed location.
Currently, we have not learned any information regarding the potential whereabouts of mayor _Kastle. Chief Inspectigator Moonfang123 of the BART Police has stated that the BART Police is working closely with the Covina Military to locate the mayor's whereabouts, but had made no significant progress thus far.
BNN! will provide more updates when they are available.
|San Francisco Transit Agency Submits Proposal For 20 Lane Super-Expressway Between North And South Ends Of Spawn Station|
San Francisco's transportation agency has submitted a proposal to build a 20 lane super-expressway between the north and south sides of Spawn Station in Spawn City. The expressway is intended to greatly increase the transportation capacity of Spawn City and provide an emergency access route for drivers escaping raining fire and explosions falling from the sky.
|POLITICS - KittyCat11231 Wins BNN! Enslavement Party Primary Presidential Debate|
Minecartians from all across the country tuned in to watch the one and only Enslavement Party Primary Presidential Debate for the United Cities election. During the debate we helped fact check and monitor the conversation in real time. The consensus was clear after the dust settled,
Mike Pence KittyCat11231 was the clear winner of the debate.
KittyCat11231's top moments from the debate included the economy and highlighting Narnia17's scandals.
KittyCat11231 made the most of his opportunity to debate Narnia17. The clear winner from tonight was KittyCat11231, who perfectly shared his vision to make the MRT great again, and that message is resonating with Minecartians all across the server.
|Benion In State of Emergency Due To "Serious Stuff"|
Benion has announced it is in a state of emergency due to the unbanning of the mayor of the city next to it. The Benion Department of Land Development has condemned the decision as enabling terrorism, and said it will not stand for the state-sponsored promotion of terrorism. Benion state TV has begun airing propoganda condemning the unbanned player as "very mean".
In other news, BNN! has learned that Benion has purchased 300 meter sticks.
|SPORTS - Team Skelezomperman Doesn't Like Wins Against Team Skelezomperman Likes|
In an astounding defeat of 7-0, the team Skelezomperman did not like beat the team Skelezomperman liked. The defeat marks a stain on the team's record that may be hard to overcome. Tom Brady was disappointed by the outcome, and stated that he would be deflating balls in the next game in order to make up for the previous loss.
|MRT Faces Unprecedented American Refugee Crisis|
The MRT Department of Immigration Affairs has announced a 75% increase in asylum applications from citizens of the United States. MHF_Question has come out in support of American refugees, while MHF_Exclamation has suggested building a wall to stop immigration.
BNN! will continue to follow this story.
|ECONOMY - Segville Mayor godzilltrain Loses $18000 In Bad Oil Investment|
Segville mayor godzilltrain has lost $18000 after an oil company he invested in went bankrupt recently. The company, New Oil Transportation & Relocation Enterprise Associates, LLC., went bankrupt following the crash of the Benion Stock Exchange. Analysts predict taxes in Segville to go up by 5000%.
|New Admod Building Animal Control Guidelines Prohibit Raccoons|
BNN! has just learned of new animal control guidelines published by the MRT Department of the Interior for the Admod Building, which now expressly prohibit raccoons from the building. The new guidelines are part of a wider objective to manage the animal infestation of the Admod Building, which has already resulted in regulation against hawks, ghosts, and dragons. Dinosaurs were previously disallowed in spring 2014 before the decision was reversed a year later.
|DEVELOPING NOW - Investigators Say Plane "May Have Committed Suicide" In Deadly Wampanoag Crash|
BNN! has more information regarding the deadly plane crash in Wampanoag. The plane involved, believed to be IntraAir flight 41, crashed into an elevated highway and rail line before exploding on the street below. All of the passengers on board are presumed dead.
According to investigators, the cause of the crash may have been a "successful suicide attempt" by the plane. Information from the flight recorder suggests that the pilots lost radio contact and control of the plane before the plane autonomously flew itself to Wampanoag and crashed.
In unrelated news, MHF_Exclamation was seen being evacuated from a hotel in Wampanoag close to the plane crash.
BNN! will bring more information when it is available.
|BART Supreme Court Rules Exclamation Points Not Covered By Copyright|
BNN! has just learned of a ruling from the BART Court in Central City, declaring copyright claims including exclamation points to be invalid. The decision is a victory for the Exclamation Mark Protection Fund, which has called the decision a necessary step to maintain the liberty of artists and writers. The decision affirmed the ruling of the Supreme Court of the City-State of Kitania.
|Study Finds BNN And BNN! Not The Same Thing|
A study conducted by the Mossack Fonseca research team has found that BNN and BNN! are not the same thing. According to researchers, one of the two is a news organization while the other is a better news organization. Mossack Fonseca declined to comment to BNN!.
|Covina Military, BART Police Storm ATC Airport Due To Dropped Ice Cream Cone, Arrest 6 Year Old|
A 6 year old girl was arrested Friday afternoon after armed Covina Military and BART Police officers stormed the northern terminal of ATC International Airport due to reports of a dropped ice cream cone. Flights were delayed for 30 minutes following the incident, stranding commuters. The operation was part of ATC's zero-tolerance littering policy. The girl is currently being held at the BART Police station in Covina and is due to appear in court Wednesday.
|Frumple To Appoint Eristheeagle Admod Chief of Staff, Says Sources|
BNN! has learned from an admod source that Frumple will announce within the coming weeks that he is appointing Eristheeagle as the Admod Chief of Staff. Eristheeagle, the notable civil rights leader who led the March on Spawn City in June 2014, will be unbanned from the server in order to serve in this new position.
Frumple was reportedly pressured into the decision by members of the Guest community, who threatened to withhold donations to his re-election campaign. Eristheeagle was banned in August 2014 for protesting against discrimination, in a move that was widely criticized among the MRT community.
Frumple has declined to comment to BNN!.
|Horizon National Airport To Include Bicameral Check-In|
Bay Area Rapid Transit, the operator of Horizon National Airport in Konawa and Lanark, has announced a bicameral check-in counter system today to act as a compromise between the airlines advocating for differing check-in policies. Large airlines argued that check-in counters should be assigned proportionally to the number of gates each airline receives, while smaller airlines argued that each airline should have an equal number of check-ins.
Under this bicameral system, there will be two levels of check-in at the airport, both located under the terminal. On the lower level check-in, each airline will receive a proportional amount of check-in counters: one per gate leased at the airport. On the upper level check-in, each airline will receive two check-in counters regardless of the number of gates each airline has.
The check-in system will be put into place, according to BART CEO _Kastle, upon the ratification of the agreement by 3/4's of the airlines.
|POLITICS - Study Finds MHF_Exclamation Voters Have Lower IQ|
A study conducted by Mossack Fonseca has indicated that individuals planning to vote for MHF_Exclamation have a 69% lower IQ than other participants in the study. The study has raised concerns over voter registration requirements, with some suggesting a minimum IQ quota to be eligible to vote.
|POLITICS - MHF_Exclamation Hacked Emails Released|
BNN! has received exclusive access to the hacked emails of MHF_Exclamation, a candidate to replace Frumple as owner. An excerpt from some of the emails is below:
- "I am a corrupt loser and do not deserve to be owner."
- "I think MHF_Question would make a great leader for the future of the MRT."
MHF_Question has not commented to BNN!.
|ECONOMY - Donations To Feline Holdings Improve Economic Growth, Says Study|
A study conducted by Feline Holdings has shown that donating to Feline Holdings directly contributes to economic growth of Feline Holdings. The researchers behind the study find that each dollar contributed to Feline Holdings directly results in the growth of Feline Holdings by $1. Analysts predict donations to Feline Holdings will increase following this study.
|ECONOMY - Benion Stock Exchange Launch Expected To Redefine The Economy|
Bankers and stock brokers were stunned on Thursday following the launch of the Stock Exchange of Benion. The new exchange is expected to become the new center of the MRT economy. With companies already lining up around the block to begin public trading, the government of Benion is planning to cash in on the project to fund Benion International Airport, which the Benion government estimates to be complete by December 2016.
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