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Crackhead Joe's

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Crackhead Joe’s is a gas station and convenience store franchise owned by daltdisneyland in the name of the eponymous Crackhead Joe. Most locations are gas stations but some are convenience store only due to location limitations. Our central promise is, like all good gas stations, to deliver a clean bathroom for your road trip.


Crackhead Joe’s was initially created during a game of Bare Essentials sometime in 2018. The challenge was to build a gas station. Due to the humorous description, daltdisneyland advanced to a tiebreaker build-off round against megascatterbomb who actually built a nice gas station. Since then, the franchise has been referenced twice in Bare Essentials: in the tiebreaker round, daltdisneyland built “Crackhead Joe’s Secret Crack Barn” and in a game on July 26, 2019, daltdisneyland built as a barn a scene called “toto i dont think we’re in kansas anymore” featuring a barn in an alternate universe where Crackhead Joe farmed humans to somehow create the oil for his gas stations. Coincidentally, the meme description also allowed daltdisneyland to advance to a tiebreaker buildoff round against someone who successfully completed the first challenge. One day while flying around in Peripotamia, daltdisneyland requested to add a Crackhead Joe’s and Cookie46910 agreed, allowing for the expansion of the franchise to the New World.

Current Locations

You can find Crackhead Joe’s in the following places:

-Peripotamia: This is the original New World location of Crackhead Joe’s.

-Hummingbird Islands: Crackhead Joe’s can be found on the top floor of the Skymall. While it is mainly just a convenience store, it has one pump of gas that fuels the Hawaiian Shave Ice truck next to it.

-Sunshine Coast: A Crackhead Jos’s is located in the Palm Valley area near the center of the Sea Pickle epidemic. However, we cannot stress enough how we are not the cause of said epidemic even though sea pickles are offered in our store.

-Segav Sal: A Crackhead Joe’s is located in the entrance area to the IntraRail station. Some gas pumps are located inside but due to walls it is not advised to drive your car up to them. Instead, purchase the fuel and put it in a Ziploc baggie or something and transfer the fuel to your car.

-Rank Resort: Crackhead Joe’s can be found in Rank Resort Central IntraRail station. Due to the obviously rainbow nature of the station this is the “gayest location yet” complete with the first gender neutral bathroom.


Crackhead Joe’s sells several products that vary based on location. In the Peripotamia, Hummingbird Islands, and Sunshine Coast locations, junk food is sold. The Sunshine Coast location features a Boujie Items section so that it can receive customers from the nice suburban area it is located in. The Segav Sal location unfortunately only sells Sea Pickles due to a delivery mix-up that was supposed to be shipped to Sunshine Coast. Gas prices vary based on what gas type you would like-regular, decaf, or premium. While all choices are good, your car may prefer the taste of some types of gas over others. It also depends on location due to oil shipment prices. If you see a gas pump reading “Buy crack!” please ignore, this is a typo. Also, gas pumps at Crackhead Joe’s are notorious for being Out of Order. If this occurs to you, spamming the Discord react :ordah: at it should do the trick. If this does not work, please choose a different pump and notify the manager if the location has one.

I Want One In My Town

Please contact daltdisneyland if this is the case. Due to the extremely high quality nature of these franchises, your request will probably take several months to build and will likely cost thousands of dollars.