Spawn City Post
| The Spawn City Post | |
|---|---|
 The Spawn City Post: Taking action for you! | |
| Information | |
| Founder | EliteNeon |
| Founded | May 8th, 2020 |
| Parent Company | Dow Jones Company |
The Spawn City Post is a Benion based newspaper. The paper was founded on May 8th, 2020 by EliteNeon. The newspaper has consistently ranked as one of the most high quality and trustworthy news organizations by the Headless Body Found in Topless Bar Foundation and the Fossac Notseca Society for the Free Press.
| BREAKING NEWS: BENION LAWN COURT CONVICTS FEDERATED STATES JUSTICE JOHNGI OF LIBEL, SENTENCED TO EXECUTION BUFFET STYLE AND MARKETABLE PLUSHIE-ING |
BENION (SCPwire) - Chief Justice [Benator+] Sen6331 of the First District Benion Lawn Court has sentenced Federated States Justice Johngi to Death by means of Execution Buffet Style and Marketable Plushie-Ing after being convicted of Libel against Vermilion Airways First Officer EliteNeon. The disparaging quote in question: "yes yes according to elite you can't convict someone of murder if they owned the bullet". The quote started massive public outrage. Elite, a Junior First Officer for Vermilion Airways, had never even met Chief Justice Johngi or even heard of him at all. "I was like: 'What the hell, man? This guy is some big shot apparently, yet he picks on me, the little guy! I've never met this... what is it "John Gie", and I never fill out the section of the ballot that's for the Federated States cause like, I barely know what that shit is!" Calls for Justice Johngi's resignation, as well as for the building of a 28-lane freeway through Downtown Aquamarine Bay, have been growing. Centrist freedom fighter and political dissident SansNotLuigi told the Spawn City Post that he is planning to launch an official inquiry into the incident in his capacity as the MP for Weezerville.
| FEDERATED STATES JUDICIARY RULES AGAINST SANCTITY OF PERSONAL PROPERTY, DECLARED "SAD!" |
CENTRAL CITY (SCPwire) - The Judiciary of the Federated States of the New World, in a landslide decision, declared that private discord servers are not in fact private at all and that Federated States Death Warrant Officials must be present in every private Discord server ever created. The case was brought up by the Federal Government against centrist freedom fighter and political dissident SansNotLuigi after Sans threw out Federated States Death Warrant Official pretzel33 from The Corporate Bar and Grill discord for drunk and disorderly conduct. The Federal Government alleges that Sans hurt Dinty's feelings and quote "defamed [him]". Federated States Death Warrant Officials are currently planning an amphibious assault and invasion of all privately owned Discord servers ever made. Sans is expected to lead and speak at a March on Parliament sometime soon, in which he will eat several live babies and toast with water, as to annoy the Gods.
| TRANSIT DELAYS: ALL Metro-noRTh SERVICES WITHIN SPAWNew york CITY CANCELED DUE TO SOFTWARE ISSUES |
SPAWN CITY (Spawn City Post Metropolitan Bureau) - The spawn city departMenT of trAnsportation has issued a Commuter Alert announcing the cancellation of all Metro-norRTh Services within Spawn City Limits. When reached for comment, the MTA said that a software bug known as "Minecraft 1.15.2" has rendered the Automatic Switching Systems unusable. The Spawn City Post also called the International Brotherhood of Metro-noRTh Sleeping Car Porters for comment, but only silence was heard as the Metro-noRTh operates one minecart at a time and has no sleeping cars whatsoever.