Welcome to the political jokes page. These are for satirical purposes only and are NOT for use or comparison in real life (although some are similar to real life). If you take offence at any of them, please contact CaptainChimpy ASAP.
- 1 Two Cow Politics
- 1.1 FEUDALISM:
- 1.2 PURE SOCIALISM:
- 1.3 BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM:
- 1.4 NAZISM:
- 1.5 FASCISM:
- 1.6 BUREAUCRACY:
- 1.7 PURE COMMUNISM:
- 1.8 APPLIED COMMUNISM:
- 1.9 DICTATORSHIP:
- 1.10 MILITARIANISM:
- 1.11 PURE DEMOCRACY:
- 1.12 REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY:
- 1.13 AMERICAN DEMOCRACY:
- 1.14 BRITISH DEMOCRACY:
- 1.15 SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY:
- 1.16 ANARCHY:
- 1.17 CAPITALISM:
- 1.18 HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
- 1.19 ENVIRONMENTALISM:
- 1.20 TOTALITARIANISM:
- 1.21 POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:
- 1.22 COUNTERCULTURE:
- 1.23 SURREALISM:
- 1.24 THERAPYISM:
- 1.25 RECOVERYISM:
- 1.26 INSURANCISM:
- 1.27 OLTHETENISM:
- 1.28 TRUMPISM:
- 1.29 INDIAN CAPITALISM:
- 1.30 TAKE THAT DEMOCRACY:
- 1.31 FRENCH CAPITALISM:
- 1.32 RICKROLL CAPITALISM:
- 1.33 GERMAN CAPITALISM:
- 1.34 NYAN CAT CAPITALISM:
- 1.35 ITALIAN CAPITALISM:
- 1.36 MRT CAPITALISM:
- 1.37 NORWEGIAN CAPITALISM:
- 1.38 SCHOOL DEMOCRACY:
- 1.39 MILK CAPITALISM:
- 1.40 NHS CAPITALISM:
- 1.41 VERNTAL FAVOURITISM
- 1.42 ARDYANISM
Two Cow Politics
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
You have two cows. The state takes both and shoots you.
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.
You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
You have two cows. You feed them sheep’s brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.
You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of nonspecified gender.
Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You have *got* to have some of this milk. I mean totally.
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
You have two cows. One is a metaphor for your inner child. The other is the manifestation of anger toward a parental figure. You take one of the cows on walks through grassy fields by the gentle ocean waves. The other you beat with an anger bat.
You have twelve cows ... and a sponsor.
You have two cows. The Federal regulator requires you to hold one cow in reserve because they predict a shortage of milk. The Provincial/State regulator requires you to drop the price of milk because they predict a surplus of milk. The courts deem your cows inherently dangerous and order you to provide free milk to anyone who has ever been frightened by a farm animal. The marketing people are promising chocolate milk at an enhanced commission and you discover your own actuaries have been building pricing models assuming goats instead to save on the expense line.
You have two cows. You milk them and sell the milk in the Discovery Cafe.
You have two cows. You build a wall to stop the neighbours from “stealing” the milk.
You have two cows. You worship them.
TAKE THAT DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. You try to keep your patience when milking them.
You have two cows. After that, you riot and block the roads because you want three cows.
You have two cows. You leave them because you know they’ll never gonna give you up.
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
NYAN CAT CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You genetically rebuild them so they become annoying pop tart cats.
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
You have two cows. You sell them and buy tacos instead.
You have two cows. They refuse to milk so you send them to prison. Later, you find that the cows are producing mass amounts of milk because of the inmates’ ability to rehabilitate and that the prison warden has bought them.
You have two cows. They don’t milk so you send them to detention instead.
You have two cows. Did someone say milk?
You have two cows. They struggle to milk. The government compensates you. However they are failing to milk even with your investment. You end up being very poor and your business goes bust.
You have two cows. One milks very well so you call him VernCow. You kill the other.
You have two cows. One has a high production of milk. The other is frankly, rubbish, so you genetically rebuild it to be a duck.
DISCLAIMER: These jokes are copyright of the College of Business - University of Illinois (all quotes above line break), © 2007 Mike McLoughlin, Executive Director, Memphis Recovery Centers (Therapyism and Recoveryism) and © 2002 Saskia Oltheten Matheson (Insurancism). Also, all quotes that are not in italics and are below the line break are © weknowmemes.com. All other quotes (in italics) are my own work.