The Radish

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The Radish
The Radish.jpeg
MRT's Finest News Source
FoundedMarch 3, 2017
StaffMinecraftYoshi26, _Kastle

The Radish is a satirical news organization created to bring MRT members the best coverage of stories on and off of the server. If you have information that you'd like to share, let MinecraftYoshi26 and he may add it to this page. For past news briefs and photos: The Radish/Archives

News Briefs
Events Unfolding Today

Megascatterbomb Fails To Get Admin By 4 Points
He failed to receive the 4 points after being nominated by Seshpenguin.

Megafro Becomes Latest Admin By Accident
After typing 'mega' to promote, Frumple pressed tab while Megafro was on and promoted him to Admin instead of megascatterbomb. Looks like there's no going back on that.

Just_robinho & Godzilltrain Resign For Brexit Campaign
"To make sure Brexit is carried through, we need to make a statement everywhere!"

Photo Of The Day
Photos Highlighting Today's News

MBS News Budget Cuts.png
After Budget Cuts, MBS Switches To Only Announcing News At Random Stands
August 5 - Due to the fall in ratings of MBS, the lack of revenue has left MBS making cuts in their production. After selling their equipment to make up for losses, CEO KittyCat11231 made the decision to switch to adding stands in random cities with news anchors waiting to tell passersby the news. Thus far, the only person to use these stands is moonfang123.
Answering The Questions Of The Invisible Undecided RoE Voter
The logo of the self proclaimed "largest official functioning political party in the RoE," which seeks to abolish unelected positions, despite being run by an unelected leader with seemingly no documented procedures for internal elections.

by _Kastle
July 11, 2020, 2:09 a.m.

EPSILON INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - According to The Radish's Internal Polling of RoE voters, 95% of RoE voters agree that the one RoE voter polled by The Radish has already made up their mind in the upcoming election. Given the importance of undecided voters in determining the outcome in the upcoming election, The Radish sat down with some undecided voters and looked into some questions they wanted answered before casting their ballots.

Q: When is the election?

A: We're not entirely sure. We think it's pretty soon, given that we've been hearing a lot about it recently. It might be tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day, or the next day, or the next day, or the next day.

Q: What are the names of the two people running?

A: Given the popularity of variations of Minecraft in usernames, we're pretty sure at least one of the people running has some variation of Minecraft in their name. Creeper also seems to be fairly popular, so we're projecting that some candidate may fit this description as well. Cats also tend to be popular, especially in politics. In fact, 67% of American households own a cat, so The Radish can safely project that 6687kittycat will win the election. Some political pundits have argued that this view discounts voters outside of the Americas, but The Radish was not able to reach any of these pundits for comment due to the time zone difference.

Q: Who is the President right now? Is he or she running? If so, we should be considering experience.

A: We debated not answering this because the end of it is a statement, but we were also curious so we decided to look into it. From what we can tell, if the RoE does currently have a president, no one seems to be sure who it is. Maybe it's Echo? He seems to talk about the RoE a lot. There's also the people talking in P3. Unfortunately, The Radish muted P3 as soon as anyone mentioned the RoE, so we weren't able to get any information from there.

Q: What is the President's term of office? One Year? Two Years? Three? Life?

A: From what we can tell, probably a week. Possibly even daily. We at The Radish can't really remember a time when people weren't talking about an RoE election, so we probably have one every day. Maybe even on holidays. Of course, that raises the question, what constitutes a holiday in the RoE? We're not sure if they have any holidays, but given the history of other MPOs on the MRT, they probably have more legislation relating to holidays than actual infrastructure projects.

Q: What happens if the President dies? Has anyone thought about who would replace him? What's your plan, gentlemen?

A: Well, firstly we aren't really too sure about the gender of the President. If the President died, they would probably be replaced by the Vice President... Of course, the one thing that we are less sure about than whom the President is is whom the Vice President is. But this also got us thinking, let's say the Vice President dies. Who replaces them? According to our internal polling, the most likely candidate in the line of succession is Kiefer Sutherland, star of the hit Netflix® series Designated Survivor®, only on Netflix®, available at for only $9.99 a month, an especially good value.

Q: Can women vote? Because if not, as a women, I have a big problem with that. Can men vote? If not, that's just as wrong?

A: We agree wholeheartedly with this sentiment. Frankly, we at The Radish are offended that no one asked us who we wanted to vote for. Frankly, this is just unacceptable. #Justice4Vegetables #ExodRoE

Q: We hear a lot about the RoE Discord. But, just, what is Discord? What is it used for?

A: Disboard is a town at ZS23 owned by angelzer0 with the deputy mayor computerghost. It seems to exist solely for the purpose of allowing for the creation of a RegionalConnect stop. We've heard some say it's used for "communication", but we at The Radish don't buy the idea that a board is the most effective way to communicate with members of an MPO, especially Disboard. That's why The Radish endorses Mumble for all speech and text communication.

Q: Can women have a baby just from french kissing?

A: To a reasonable degree of scientific certainty, we couldn't find any conclusive evidence that this isn't possible.

Q: If you burp, fart, and sneeze at the same time, will you die?

A: Try it. We dare you.

Q: Where is my power cord?

A: We're not sure where it is on your computer since these designs will very, but we are fairly confident that it's connected to a nearby power outlet. Personally, we want to know what the RoE will be doing to address the Energy Crisis as well. We heard that there are big changes coming to our power grid in the upcoming 1.16 update, and we want to know what the RoE is doing to address this. Actually, we think that they may have volunteered to rebuild the entire MRT system to be compatible with the 1.16 update. We at The Radish will be sure to hold them accountable.

Q: What does RoE stand for?

A: Crap. Did you really have to ask this? Why do you think we've only referred to it as RoE throughout the article?

The Radish also attempted to reach the RoE for contact, but we weren't very sure who to ask for comment, especially since we had also local muted anyone who casually mentioned the RoE.
Arcadia Issues Statement Regarding Damage That Losing By Four Points Can Cause
After the donation page went down, donors were encouraged to donate over the phone. This quickly overloaded the phone lines, however, so the website gave up and just told everyone to send thoughts and prayers over Discord.

by megascatterbomb
October 8, 2019, 1:22 p.m.

ARCADIA - Signups for the fifth MRTvision Screenshot Contest have just opened, but participants are already being warned about the potential heartbreak that could come from losing the top spot by a margin of four points.

Arcadia’s mayor and prior winner, lil_shadow59, spoke out about this important issue, stating that the MRT "should be a safe space for people who require the gratification of winning a contest or game show." He added that in the prior contest, he saw what happened to the runner up and it "broke my heart."

Many other cities that participated in that contest have expressed support, with one city starting a website to garner donations. Unfortunately, the extremely high activity on the website drained both the webserver's resources and the organiser's bank accounts, which resulted in the site's shutdown.

This newfound wave of support comes after the successful recovery of Moramoa’s Speaker of the House and representative to the contest, John Berncow. The announcement of his placing at the last ceremony caused Berncow to step down from Speaker, which resulted in the Brexit commotion that ultimately lead to godzilltrain and Just_robinho resigning in August. Berncow returned to his position late last week and has been campaigning for fewer extensions in the City Rank Promotion Batches.

Following his recovery, Berncow published a general statement of gratitude towards MRT cities: "I would like to thank all the cities that have shown us support during these tough times. It is not often that I step down from this position of power, however my absence has not impacted my resolve to make this server safe for everyone with a desire to win the next screenshot contest".

Critics were quick to point out that only one person can win the screenshot contest; however Berncow addressed those concerns in a follow-up.

"As long as you give your twelve points to a close friend you can make sure that if one of you wins, you both feel like you’ve won. Equality all around!"

Some outspoken critics on our Twitter have stated that the contest should not be "fear-mongering this early into signups" as people do not know "who’s going to get #zeropoints yet." Twitter also quipped that "cities should know what they’re getting into if they’re going to sign up for every little event that comes around; loss is inevitable."

The fifth MRTVision Screenshot Contest will feature a currently unknown amount of cities. You can track the contest live on its wiki page.
dO nOt RePoRt ThIs To PaPeR - tHiS iS nOt A bUg Or A cRaSh
Paper Spigot addresses an audience of heretics.

by _Kastle
April 25, 2019, 2:00 a.m.

CENTRAL CITY - Late Wednesday evening, the server once again did not crash due to a bug in Paper Spigot, despite the server going offline and coincidentally spitting out a message referencing Paper Spigot. A server-wide Discord announcement by the Admins stated the following:

The main server is [not] offline until further notice (hopefully the morning or early afternoon, US time) as the hanging and crashing issues [that have absolutely nothing at all to do with Paper Spigot] are [not] coming back, and there are a few changes that we [do not] need Frumple to make before we can investigate further [since there clearly is no issue whatsoever, just ask the Paper Spigot devs]. Apologies for the [lack of an] inconvenience, and we'll post more information here as soon as we can [despite there being no problem whatsoever, especially not one in any way related to a certain fork of Spigot named after a certain material manufactured in thin sheets from the pulp of wood or other fibrous substances, used for writing, drawing, or printing on, or as wrapping material].

"We're working hard to resolve this issue, despite the clear evidence that no issue exists," said server administrator chiefbozx, as he fumbled through the thousands of Post-it notes stuck to his computer in an attempt to locate the file server password. "Ever since 1.13, not another day goes by without us not having a crash that definitely isn't in any way related to Paper Spigot."

Long time members also voiced their support for Paper Spigot. Senator KittyCat11231 reminisced in past non-paper spigot related issues, telling the Radish "Ah yes. Who could forget all those times my armor stands didn't disappear for reasons not at all relating to Paper Spigot. I certainly do not remember reading a Github issue thread at or another one at regarding entity loss due to duplication of UUID values of entities as a direct result of a change made by Paper Spigot, which was also non-reproducible on normal builds of Spigot. And if there was a problem, it was probably because of those no-good, dirty rotten, pig-stealing Free Kitanians."

Tom Pairs, another Admin, recalled the time that his mail sorter did not cut the TPS of the server in half due to an optimization made by Paper Spigot. "Yeah, sure the TPS did drop to like 10, and sure the lag only occurred when my mail sorter was loaded in the world, and sure Kastle was able to reproduce the same issue on a server running nothing but Paper Spigot, and sure that issue did not occur when running the latest normal build of Spigot, but that was probably just a result of Kastle's server not having a large enough space world to store my mail."

MinecraftYoshi26 used the opportunity to encourage players to sign up for his latest gameshow during the downtime, Survivor: You're Lucky I'm Producing It, So You All Have a Chance This Time.

When asked about the lack of issues, Frumple simply stood motionless, and stated, "I am extremely excited for 1.14. Goodnight."
BREAKING: Four Gates at Deadbush Edgecliff Airport Drop Off Radar
The situation mirrors one that occurred a few years earlier, when an entire town mysteriously vanished prior to the construction of an airport.

by _Kastle
November 17, 2018, 5:30 p.m.

DEADBUSH - On Saturday, the Deadbush Airport Authority released a statement regarding four gates that had dropped off of its radar tracking system. Deadbush Airport Authority spokesperson MojangChan gave the following statement: "Officials are searching for a four missing airplane gates about 0 miles southeast of Deadbush Edgecliff Airport. This is currently a developing situation and information is being provided as it becomes available. Check with Deadbush Aerospace Defense Command for more information.

Airline owners and operators reacted surprisingly well to the news. Trans Minecartian Airways owner Skelezomperman stated, "Deadbush has lost Cascadia forever. [I] hope you enjoy losing service on one of Minecartia's largest airlines."

Meanwhile, others attempted to assist with the fallout. Woorich999, owner of Irrelevant Airways graciously offered up his own gates to affected airlines, saying, "Ok can I sell some of my gates at DEA to someone else? Cuz they're mainly temporary before I move them to WMI."

In unrelated news, construction vehicles were spotted en route to Epsilon International Airport.

This is a developing story.
Known Tax Evader MinecraftYoshi26 Promoted to Admin, Now Evades Taxes Legally
A professional sketch artist was hired to illustrate this event.

by Skelezomperman
August 8, 2018, 9:13 p.m.

CENTRAL CITY - On Sunday, Frumple announced that known tax evader MinecraftYoshi26 was promoted to the rank of Administrator. MinecraftYoshi26 has been evading taxes for most of his career on the MRT server, oftentimes having used his Staff privileges to further tax evasion.

Investigators from the MRT Criminal Investigative Service uncovered in 2014 that MinecraftYoshi26 was using his game show The Mole in a money laundering scheme to hide his unpaid taxes. MinecraftYoshi26 coordinated with the Mole, Music3_0, to deliberately sabotage challenges so that the eventual winner wilywonker would only have a minority of earnings, with the rest of the money being funneled into an offshore account in Canada managed by an unknown associate of MinecraftYoshi26. This led to MinecraftYoshi26’s demotion from Moderator.

MinecraftYoshi26 was repromoted to Moderator in 2015, and has since continued to use his game shows in a similar manner to evade taxes and launder money. He has even begun to openly brag about this, including making posts on social media where he showed himself burning tax forms. Staff powers have also been used by MinecraftYoshi26 to silence his critics as well as the MCIS, allegedly with the approval of Frumple.

Economists on the Radish note that MinecraftYoshi26’s tax fraud have been a drain on the MRT economy and have factored into MinecraftYoshi26 unfairly becoming the 17th richest person on the server, with a balance of over $10,000 as of publication. They have noted though that this may only be one of many factors contributing to the instability of the economy, which also includes every Member getting income from an unknown source and administrators being able to create money at will.

Frumple was asked by The Radish after the ASM about MinecraftYoshi26’s tax fraud escapades and whether they were legal now, to which he replied "Sure why not," succinctly declaring his approval of MinecraftYoshi26’s tax fraud schemes. We also asked investigators at the MRT Tax Agency for a response, to which Inspector General moonfang123 replied that his team was "too entertained by The Amazing Race and other game shows to [wish ill on] MinecraftYoshi26," which implies that all investigations against the new administrator have ceased.

MinecraftYoshi26 has last been seen sailing on a luxury yacht powered by the blood of banned guests alongside Frumple and the other administrators.
Summary Of The Week: Things Hit The Fan Quick
The United Cities has had no major events occur this week, other than the appointment of Cookie46910 as an Electoral Commissioner.

by MinecraftYoshi26
June 29, 2018, 10:26 p.m.

This past week has been one of the most eventful ones on the server for quite a while. From fires to General Staff Meetings, the server has seen many large occurrences. The Radish has summarized the largest points in this past week.

Future Of MRT Server Lies In Hands Of Max4344
STANWOOD - This week, Max4344 has been allowed to listen in on General Staff Meetings. Max4344's history was seen with him holding picket signs on the server with slogans such as "Down with the MRT!" and "The MRT Government is Tyranny!" Regardless of those actions, he has been allowed to listen in and have a large say in the server’s future. Max4344 was granted access after the staff wanted to accurately represent those against the MRT proportionally by giving them an unproportional voice in the conversation. Though Max4344 voluntarily left the MRT over three years ago by his own choice, the problems he has brought up include how Vulpicula has had too much of a say in the server’s policies and how Frumple has been a staff member for suspiciously long amount of time. Max4344 is now back on the server; however, he has the special tag of [Influencer] now.

General Staff Meetings Deemed Terrible
OKOK CITY - A study announced from Mossack Fonesca University was found this week that General Staff Meetings were automatically terrible, because of their nature. According to the study, General Staff Meetings only create issues on the server. The study stated in its footnotes that the human aspect of General Staff Meetings, the actual staff, were ignored as how people operate during those meetings do not affect the outcomes. The study concluded that "after looking at all the data, we've seen that General Staff Meetings are inherently terrible and there is no good side to them." The scientists proposed a system that claims to work better than General Staff Meetings. The new system involves "the exact same system of previous General Staff Meetings but with more accentuated features."

Burning Building In Camino Solved By Burning The Whole Town Down
CAMINO - A burning building in Camino was reported to the fire station by many locals. The new fire brigade that replaced the old one had different tactics than their predecessors. They believed that to fix the issue of the burning building, they would simply set the rest of the town on fire to resolve it. After the Camino fire brigade had set the whole town on fire, other towns' brigades felt they were being left out, so they also had set their respective towns on fire to compete.

Music's Gems Creates #sellinGEMS Publicity Stunt To Garner Attention
ZAQUAR - CEO KittyCat11231 has released a new selling tactic by using #sellinGEMS to get people’s attention to sell more of his franchise. KittyCat11231 has been seen going around the server posting billboards and posters with this hashtag on it. He has said that the campaign is to "make it seem like a movement when in reality I'm just doing it all." He has also wanted us to note that there have been more people than him in the movement, such as Kitty’s Remotely Controlled Robot #2, snowdude01, and KittyCat111231.

Lift Plugin Feels Like It Slows Down Guests
CENTRAL CITY - After hundreds of guests have taken the Lift in Central Park, three guests have complained that the lift feels like it is slower for guests. Even though the guest had never taken the lift and compared it with that of the member rank, the guest's conviction and megaphone caused the MRT Staff to declare Lift Elevators as an unfair plugin and are set to declare war on it soon. Scientists have shown that the lift plugin is not affected nor connected to rank; however, the Staff were convinced by the guests’ points that there was a connection based off of a list of personal experiences.

Small Franchises Fail To Compete Against Skyscrapers
NEW BAKERSVILLE CITY - Small buildings in New Bakersville City, over the past week, have been having a hard time surviving. The big skyscrapers in New Bakersville City have dominated the city and have ultimately stopped the creation of smaller buildings in the city. The mayor, FredTheTimeLord, has stated that "there is no way that these small buildings can thrive with these skyscrapers, because those tall buildings have more power than the small buildings I think." Currently, there is nothing stopping the creation of smaller buildings; however, FredTheTimeLord says that he feels that he cannot build smaller buildings until the skyscrapers are torn down.

Strangers Hijack School Board Voting Session
MUSIQUE - In the Musique Unified School Board meeting, the school board was having all the parents and associates in the room vote on whether to enact Common Core. The room had a handful of people in it, usually; however, this time, parents from Elecna Bay, St. Anna, and even WolvHaven entered the room and voted on the initiative. The vote ended up not passing; however, it was noted that those people showed up when the vote was happening and simply left immediately after the vote results were called.
An Insight Into Fake News: How MBS Does It
The MBS logo is well known to be an image stolen from Spawn City and was ranked the fakest logo by for the past 20 years.

by _Kastle
May 3, 2018, 11:27 p.m.

NIPPIA - The Radish sat down with one of the creators of the fake news organization MBS, KittyCat11231, to find out how this small, obscure news outlet has become so instrumental in pushing a lying, dishonest, vicious, and partisan agenda.

The Radish: When did you decide to start MBS?

KittyCat11231: Well I arranged a secret meeting at my evil mountain lair deep in the mountains of Zürich with cal76 and Cortesi. I was looking for a platform to run ads for my meat freight service, which many on the server colloquially call IntraAir © Copyright Feline Holdings 2018. Cortesi just wanted to make fancy graphics packages for a vaguely defined purpose and I think cal76 said something about kidnapping godzilltrain and injecting him with a genetically mutated virus to turn him into an actual Godzilla. Our goals just lined up really nicely.

R: Why does MBS engage in vicious race baiting and push an obvious partisan, fake news agenda?

K: Like all media companies, we’re really trying to appeal to a broad demographic, and that includes our good friends in the Periopotamian community. We think that having a diverse arrangement of programming really helps us bring in viewers with a well spread sense of values.

R: What is an average day like for the CEO of MBS?

K: So I wake up at 7 a.m. and pick up the phone next to my double king size bed with sheets that are more expensive than the combined annual salaries of my entire staff. I call my assistant and scream at them for no particular reason. I just find it to be a cathartic experience. I then relieve myself in my golden, diamond encrusted litter box that contains bright white sand from the far beaches of Hummingbird Islands. After that, my private limousine takes me to my penthouse office at the MBS headquarters where I spend the day being observed by a 150 meter tall robot.

R: Why do you think MBS has been so effective at pushing fake news?

K: Our consumers are morons.

R: Could you elaborate on that?


R: Oh, I see. Anyways, what are your plans for the future of MBS?

K: We want to expand into consumer products. Knives, lawnmowers, and light switches that would turn on a random light in your house if you tried to turn it off. Our Science and Technology division is also exploring the possibility of neural implants so we can effectively deliver informations to our advertising consuming meat sac… customers… when they need it most.

R: Thanks for sitting down with us. Have a great day.

K: Please don't do the same for yourself.
Environmental Terrorist Group Exposed By GSM Documents
This is an excerpt from the leaked GSM agenda showing the planned path for a segment of the "Outer Circle Line". All Zephyr line stations would be converted into Cross stations.

by megascatterbomb
April 19, 2018, 12:22 a.m.

RANK RESORT - Rank Resort - On April 11, Rank Resort finished their brand new Councillor Cabins, constructed using the wood from the forest that previously occupied that area. The deforestation that occured angered an environmentalist terrorist group, known only as the MRT Greener Party.

The Councillors staying at the Rank Resort woke up the next morning to an infestation of jungle trees. We asked Cookie46910, a resident of the Councillor Cabins, what he thought of the incident.

"I mean, I’m used to large jungle trees on my front lawn. But like, Rank Resort is supposed to be clean," said Cookie46910, while swimming through a pile of trash.

The Rank Resort CEO, megascatterbomb, has since apologised to Cookie for promoting him to Councillor.

The jungle is so dense that no councillor cabins could be seen, even from the Senator Skyscraper. Also, the forest has caused dense fog to form, resulting in at least 10 missing persons reports.
Rumors quickly circulated that the MRT Greener Party was behind the rapidly growing jungle trees. These were confirmed when a link to the April 2018 GSM agenda was posted on the beta server’s chat. This unintentionally caused the link to the document to be posted on the public #minecraft-server-beta channel, via a plugin called DiscordSRV. The link was quickly hidden, however, our source shared a copy of the document with us on the condition of anonymity. This confirmed the MRT Greener Party’s involvement with the attack on the Rank Resort, as well as exposing the identity of the perpetrator, Purrcat2010.

The motive against deforestation is clear, however unsubstantiated rumors have circulated that the attack was also motivated by the MRT Staff’s declination of Purrcat2010’s proposal for a nature preserve in the north-west, and the attack on the Rank Resort was partly because "Mr Bomb is a staff member." It should be noted that megascatterbomb was not involved with the declination, as he was not a staff member at the time.

In an interview with megascatterbomb, we asked him what actions the Rank Resort has taken to tighten security:

"We've constructed a railgun on top of the Press Prison, where we are now, to defend ourselves against our enemies. We’re also considering a border wall that will seal us off from the land to the east," said megascatterbomb.

When asked why the railgun was pointed at Jangwha, megascatterbomb replied: "Because someone told me to."

During this interview, we shared some other information from the leaked GSM agenda with megascatterbomb. Included were plans to expand the Jungle line into an "Outer Circle Line", with J203 being at the Rank Resort itself. Most concerning to megascatterbomb was the section that suggested replacing all the Zephyr line stations that coincided with this "Outer Circle Line" with cross stations, much like the station at J0. megascatterbomb reacted strongly upon hearing this proposal.

"Those cross stations are evil! I pasted the one at J0 into the staff world, then it started leaking water everywhere! It must’ve been those damn terrorists who put the water there."

Analysis of the land around J0 showed a small inlet of water hugging the station’s side wall.

We have been unable to receive a response from any staff members other than megascatterbomb.
Tom_Pairs Solely Resolves Lag Issue While All Mods Sit And Twiddle Their Thumbs
Tom_Pairs is seen here doing all the work while _Kastle is eating a cookie and ignoring the situation at hand.

by _Kastle
January 6, 2018, 12:11 a.m.

GAMES WORLD - The server TPS dropped below 3 today after AP_Red stacked a portion of the Bootleg Telephone arena with hundreds of invisible armor stands 40 times up. Bystanders were quick to blame mine_man_, who had recently cleared a large amount of entities in the Games World. When asked whether or not they realized that clearing entities has been shown to reduce lag, bystander Cookie46910 stated, "It’s not about facts, it's about feelings."

Multiple attempts were made by bystanders to get into contact with the server admins, including messages over the MRT Discord. Those in mumble also assisted by screaming loudly to get the attention of staff members who were in the AFK channel. Eventually, Tom_Pairs joined the game to investigate the horrendous disaster. He first visited the original Telephone arena on the Old World to ensure that the lag was not contagious.

"It’s important to cover all of the bases when we’re dealing with a problem like this. The admins will leave no stone unturned," said Tom_Pairs, blatantly ignoring the hackers joining the server. "The average individual might think these two issues are unrelated—being that one was an issue and one was not—but those people don’t have an [Admin] tag next to their name and don’t have a town they can’t spell."

Throughout the incident, local unhelpful person _Kastle sent multiple commands to Tom_Pairs in an attempt to assist him in resolving the issue.

"Yeah, Kastle helped a little bit," said Tom_Pairs. "It’s a good thing I was there to supervise his activities. He couldn’t have used the files website all on his own; it is very difficult to enter a username and password."

As part of his master plan to resolve the issue, Tom_Pairs crashed multiple times.

Tom_Pairs says he will continue to sit and watch for more issues for him to attempt to solve by crashing.
"I thought I would log off to give myself time to think and also to reduce the lag on the server. The less people on, the less lag!" said Tom_Pairs. "Everyone was at Central Park as some other staff thought it would reduce lag. I thought it would be a better idea just to delete all the lesser important worlds—basically everything but the Space World."

The downtime in which Tom_Pairs was contemplating deleting everything allowed for _Kastle to upload and activate a command block schematic to kill all the entities in the Telephone Arena. Without this opportunity that Tom_Pairs generously bestowed to _Kastle, it might very well have been impossible for the armor stands to be removed.

"I mean he did make the command, upload the schematic, place the command block, and press the button, but ultimately I did the most work by crashing," said Tom_Pairs. "He wouldn’t have been able to run /killallarmorstandsaroundtelephonearena command without me."

Throughout the incident, Frumple was busy streaming himself farming dirt for two hours. When he returned, he thanked Tom_Pairs for doing an exemplary job of resolving the incident while he wasn’t able to be around.

"Tom_Pairs played the most important role by doing everything to fix that bad thing they told me was wrong with the server. Other mods just stood around and twiddled their fingers, and that’s why he’s Admin." said Frumple. "We’re lucky he was here. Things might have been a lot different if he wasn’t."

During all of this, mine_man_ made a point that he was certainly not responsible for the incident.

"I SWEAR! DON’T LOOK AT ME!!!! IT WAS THE OTHER GUY! LET’S ALL TALK ABOUT THE OTHER GUY OK!?!?" said mine_man_, as Frumple was typing the demote command and other members were holding pitchforks yelling "BURN THE WITCH!".

AP_Red was recently spotted running hurriedly onto a flight to WolvHaven at Whiteley Aerodrome. When reporters caught up with him, he assured them that this was "not a way to run from the problem" and rather was going to "spy on them and make sure those railtards don’t try anything smart on us." AP_Red has not been seen back on the MRT since.
City-State Of Kitania Shows Off Bombs Used By Terrorists In Front Of Large Crowd
KittyCat11231 has stated that the explosives were given to him my innocent bystanders who totally replicated the bomb.

by MinecraftYoshi26
September 19, 2017, 4:22 p.m.

KITANIA - In a press conference in Kitania by the City-State of Kitania, president KittyCat11231 stated that he had exact copies of the bombs used by the Lacledic Republic to wage war on Kitania territory.

"The bombs in front of me are able to blow up Kitania and surrounding cities such as Chuno, Paradise Island, and Mikeland," said KittyCat11231, gesturing to the bombs. "These bombs are deadly, and can kill us all."

Citizens (who were forced to be concerned or would be forced to police brutality) nearby were (forcibly) excited about the technology that the city had uncovered.

"These news bombs are great! I hope that we can use them to defeat Laclede," said one bystander, as a KIA Escort Agent held a gun to the bystander's head. "I AM VERY EXCITED. NOTHING COULD MAKE ME HAPPIER. I LOVE KITANIA. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME."

The bomb was apparently loaded, and ready to explode with a push of a button.

"To demonstrate the bomb's nature exactly, we have filled the bomb with the explosives that were used," said KittyCat11231.

Additionally, the City-State of Kitania made other announcements, such as:
  • Further deprivation of citizen's rights
  • Increasing police brutality
  • Use of excessive force forced by law
  • Finding new methods to use nuclear weapons
  • Find ways to rig foreign elections.
  • Using a fake snow storm to scare the public to buy things in a hurry and help capitalism

Kitania's feud with Laclede that led up to this press conference is still ongoing, as seen in Trojan Valley. Trojan valley is currently a not safe zone, as indicated by Kitania. Many scientists claim the battles in Trojan Valley are staged, including actors playing the generals and combatants. Those researchers are missing as of today and were last seen with men in blue shirts, gray pants, and black sunglasses. Nonetheless, the Trojan Valley battles and the feud between Kitania and Laclede continues where each side wants to steal each other's flag only, for some reason.

MRT Green Party Decides To Go Nuclear After Election Results
This sheep, according to the MRT Green Party, is set to be the only being allowed to vote in the next UC Election. The sheep was later found to be killed by the photographers after that photo shoot.

by MinecraftYoshi26
April 23, 2017, 3:16 p.m.

ARMADA - After the MRT Green Party did not win in the April 2017 election, their new party platform has new plans to win the next election and to spread the message. Ardyle, the head of the MRT Green Party, has laid out his plans for what the party will do in a press conference, even though they have no power to do any of it. The following are questions were asked at the press conference.

MBS News: After failing to win this election, what are your next goals to advance the Green Party's values?
Ardyle: Well, the first plan of action is to sue all of the winners of the elections. They obviously made fake accounts and have been playing the long game to win this election and screw us over.

MRT NewsChannel: What are you going to do to get power in the United Cities?
Ardyle: Well, as Derpy_Melon once said, "Execution isn't an option, it's THE option." We plan to execute all the voters that voted against us to gain the majority.

Benion TV: Don't you think that that is inhumane?
Ardyle: Security! Please take them to the guillotine.

Benion TV: Woah?! Wait, you can't just kill people, there will be opposition.
Ardyle: Ah, you see, after we guillotine those people, we then nuke the MRT so that everyone is dead to make sure there is no opposition.

BART News Network: If you nuke everyone, there will not be any more voters or any member of your party either, so how does this advance your policies? Especially when the nuke will destroy nature?
Ardyle: Well, if everyone is dead and there is no one to see unnatural things, like the floating King's Cross Station in Heampstead. It's natural as long as no one sees. Also, if we can't succeed, no one can.

All reporters subsequently ran out of the room and tried to alert their constituents, however, they were thrown into a black van labelled "free candy". The Radish has not seen any of those reporters since, however, Ardyle has reported that they are safe and learning to love the Green Party by watching Green Party ads for 24 hours straight. The final comment Ardyle made was that when the MRT Green Party gets into power, only the lone sheep in the Green Party ad from the last election may vote.
United Cities Actually Doing Things Now
The United Cities is set to have their checks and balances turned upside down. This photo illustrates the result.

by MinecraftYoshi26
March 16, 2017, 4:14 p.m.

CENTRAL CITY - The United Cities has recently picked up traction again with more resolutions after someone blew off the dust and wrote a resolution. Additionally, more activity has gone on regarding the United Cities. The Radish summarizes them here to quickly update you on the important proceedings in the United Cities.

Resolution 63 Makes Taxes Rise And United Cities GDP Drop To 0
The new resolution, if passed, would make taxes rise 1000%, according to local conspiracy scientist researcher biologists. The tax would rise from the existing $0 because of slavery being brought on by this resolution. Additionally, the GDP of the United Cities would drop to 0 because of this resolution and its economic flaws.

The City-State Of Shadowpoint DECLARES WAR Against Tranquil Forest For Voting Against The A30
Tranquil Forest is set to have a full on attack on Shadowpoint after having war declared against it. The reason hvt2011 voted against the A30 was to "see what childish responses he would get." The war is set to be held on March 18 at noon and to last ten minutes before getting told off and nearly getting a warning.

Checks And Balance Of United Cities Gets Turned Upside Down
The United Cities resolutions are set to destroy the checks and balance system and have it turned upside down. See the picture provided for more information.

United Cities Becoming New BuzzFeed, Reason #7 Will Shock You
1. "I vote nay on 63 - see my statement for why."
2. United Cities is UNITED! SHOCKER!
3. The United Cities is set to have clickbait-y titles in their new resolutions, such as "A50, You Won't Believe Where It Goes" and "Judiciary Act That Will Blow Your Mind".
Mjpwwf Enacts New History Curriculum In Danielston
Mjpwwf is campaigning for this act to pass even though he is the only one casting a vote. He will be carrying a book around to seem educated as well.

by MinecraftYoshi26
March 8, 2017, 9:09 p.m.

DANIELSTON - Mjpwwf recently was reading Danielston's high school history textbook. He believed that the information in there was incorrect because it was not patriotic enough and saying that the town was founded by only him placing blocks was "boring". He is planning to enact a new history curriculum with new, totally factual history coming from mjpwwf's mind.

"The new history books will reflect more factual information than the previous facts," said mjpwwf.

Mjpwwf has released parts of the new curriculum that will be in all the history textbooks. If any school does not use the textbook, it will subsequently be destroyed and turned into a WaffleHouse. The curriculum will be as follows:

Robert Esterhaus was Deputy Mayor to Francis Fischer, a survivor and key player in the Paixton revolution. Esterhaus later went on to found Esterhaus University as "Fifth Regional College," and also established Danielston's newspaper, the Danielston Sea Beacon. Danielston was originally developed by two men from opposite sides of the southwest: Abram Daniel, a political theorist who fled communist Sealane at the height of its history, and Judas Smith, a Paixtonian toolcrafter taken hostage by the communist rule. Why Danielston, and not Danielton? Judas Smith's wife, Daniela, was the second Daniel. "I want partial credit," Smith was noted to say as a catchphrase. Daniel and Smith struck a deal after randomly crossing paths: Smith would give Abram some new tools, and Abram would give Smith access to his library. L. I. Brooks was Danielston's infrastructure-reform mayor, and Kyle Wren helped bring UCWTIA to the area, despite poor runway placement. After Wren came Gareth Steinburg, a Social Democrat who ran on the promise to make Danielston a utopia. It nearly turned socialist as a result of his policies. Finally, in 2015, Steinburg suffered a massive loss to M. J. Pueff, a grassroots conservative businessman and Esterhaus University alum who overturned the destructive policies, promising to keep Danielston an intellectual haven and beacon of freedom.

Mjpwwf plans to have these in the new history curriculum, even those none of those people really exist.

"The new history curriculum will make people more edcuated on things that should have happened and how Danielston should have came to be," said mjpwwf.

The curriculum is planned to be enacted soon but until then, many historians are boycotting mjpwwf's ideas and are clutching to historical landmarks and what mjpwwf calls "the old facts".
Another Mayor Breaks Own Law But Is Sentenced To Death: FredTheTimeLord
This picture was provided by authorities to The Radish. We still have no idea what it means.

by FredTheTimeLord
March 7, 2017, 9:27 p.m.

BAKERSVILLE - Earlier today, FredTheTimeLord, mayor of Bakersville, was seen Bakersville's subterranean meeting room, which was constantly confused the meating room, the local meat loading factory that had jurors confused when they arrived and saw blood and dead cows everywhere. The meeting room was the location of his trial. Earlier that month, he was arrested for breaking his own laws. FredTheTimeLord stood in front of the judge and pleaded his innocence. FredTheTimeLord testified against breaking into his own subway for maintenance.

"The mayor should know that it is a federal crime to break into the subway walls," said FredTheTimeLord, a member of the jury. "Everyone knows that. You can't let others see the dead bodies we hide there."

As he walked out of the City Hall and towards the guillotine, he shed one last tear as the metal block crushed his head. The next mayor of Bakersville is yet to be determined. Until then, FredTheTimeLord will be filling in for Captain_Cavy's absence of Vice Mayor.

This is the second story today where people have been in violation of their own law. Federal authorities are trying to see if the incident with SoSo123 and this incident are linked.
SoSo123 Commits Treason After Breaking Own Law
SoSo123 is currently being held in jail on $1,000,000 bail payable to SoSo123.

by Narnia17 & MinecraftYoshi26
March 7, 2017, 4:08 p.m.

STONEEDGE - SoSo123 was found breaking one of the key laws of Freedon: loyalty to Freedon by not building in other towns. His newly passed law came after he proposed it, voted on it, and ratified it. As the executive, legislative, and judicial branch of the government was also run by SoSo123, many were confused about what would happen to him

"After the new law passed, I knew the first one to get in trouble with be SoSo123" said SoSo123, a resident of the newly-promoted city.

This information comes to light after the recent legislation passed in the city that banned building in other cities was strictly enforced by the police, which have only one officer: SoSo123. SoSo123 was seen escorted out of his office building in handcuffs by SoSo123. While in handcuffs, SoSo123 gave an outcry about how he was being treated.

"You can't arrest me, I'm the mayor of this town," said SoSo123 as SoSo123 was forcefully pushing SoSo123 out of the building.

The judge of the trial is to be Judge SoSo123 with the plaintiff being SoSo123 as well as being the defendant. The jury is set to be filled with many people representing different views from Stoneedge. The jury will most likely have SoSo123, SoSo123, SoSo123, SoSo123, SoSo123, and SoSo123. More details will be released regarding SoSo123's trial. Follow The Radish for updates as they occur.
Secret GSM To Be Held This Thursday
Benie was the last person anyone thought would have to do with a GSM since he lives on an island with no internet connection, probably.

by MinecraftYoshi26
March 6, 2017, 8:17 p.m.

SOILED SOLITUDE - Benie was at Soiled Solitude when he dug up a piece of paper indicating that a secret GSM was to be held this Thursday. What he found also detailed what would be discussed at the GSM. Benie had held a press conference and released these details about the GSM topics being discussed:

1. Community Issues

Banning All Discussion About The MRT System
BluRail Must Serve All Cities Or Will It Will Be Banned
All Warps Cost $50 Per Block Traveled Or More?

2. Promotions

Eristheeagle To Admin After Exemplary Work In Trustee Rank
Music3_0 To Mod Because Of College Education
ActualFacts To Mod Because Of Having Actual Facts Rather Than Alternative Ones
Mjpwwf To New Rank of Waffle Mod

3. Roads

A1 Proposal To Be Redone To Have Fifty Lanes
AX0 Ring Road To Be Floating Proposal
New A Road From Port Elizabeth To Vegeta
New Road Rules: Roads Must Have uFuel Buy Sign Every Ten Blocks

4. Projects

New Events Week That Will End Up Flopping
$5000 For Game Show That Will Not Happen
New Central City Archives That Is Easily Robbed

5. Town Auctions

Spawn City - Too Ugly
Whitechapel - Too Pretty
San Reinoldi - Too Italian
Covina - Too Much Military
Central City - Frumple Too Lazy And Inactive

Benie was surprised to find such a list under a pile of sand clearly labeled "staff secrets". He wants to blackmail the staff with this new information so that he can get more freedom with roads. Benie plans to demand that all towns must be paved over with A roads.
Central Park Infected With Flu-Like Virus
The virus has spread rapidly over multiple species and has even turned the trees to snot.

by MinecraftYoshi26
March 5, 2017, 5:08 p.m.

CENTRAL CITY - Today, Central Park was found to have changed from a vibrant pink and white color palate to a green, germ infected space. Many different people believe there are different reasons and ways this has happened. Researchers from Mucinex™ believe that the reason the park's trees have turned a puking shade of green is because of a deadly flu-like virus. They say that the trees have gotten infected with Mucinexinitis™, most likely due the amount of guests that have traversed through the park.

"The germs found here are deadly and medicine must be taken immediately for immunity from the virus," said a Mucinex™ spokesperson. "The only way to be safe is to buy Mucinex™ medicine and take it every day."

Though the researchers show quite a bit of evidence for their claims, some religious institutions have different ideas where the virus has come from.

"The trees and germs are a result of God punishing us for our sins!" said _Kastle, builder of the park and a devout fundamentalist evangelical Christian. "We must PRAY to get rid of these germs. REPENT EVERYONE! REPENT!"

Other signs have ticked _Kastle off to think that all of the germs are by God.

"A large flying creature is over the park and it's going to spread the ways of the SINNERS! We must repent and pray to solve this!" said _Kastle, forgetting that he built it.

Other bystanders are perplexed about the reason behind the greening of Central Park. Godzilltrain was working at the MRT Mail Hub when first noticing a change in the trees.

"It's probably a plan by the government to take over or something," said godzilltrain, a conspiracy theorist. "The trees are the color of the Illuminati you know!"

As more and more people get sick, the number of deaths rise to the thousands. It is advised to either take shelter, buy Mucinex™, pray and repent, or alert the staff in the staff emergency channel. It is predicted that this disease will end in April. Updates on the state of Central Park will be added as this event continues.
Sheep Contemplating His Future After Being Stuck Under A Road
The sheep was paved over by _Kastle's road.

by MinecraftYoshi26
March 4, 2017, 10:39 p.m.

ACHOWALOGEN TAKACHSIN - A sheep was stuck under a slab and could only peek his head out through a block. After _Kastle had asked MinecraftYoshi26 to paste a road various times, the sheep was noticed by hvt2011 to be stuck. The sheep will sadly be stuck there forever, until it eventually dies of boredom. As the sheep knows he will be there for a while, he has contemplated his future in his tiny hole.

"I'm very excited to begin my new life here," said the sheep, half stuck in a block.

The sheep will only see random riders passing by, probably only during MinecraftYoshi26's games when people are running away from certain death.

"It'll be pretty fun to see frantic faces pass by not knowing I'm watching," said the sheep. "It's like I'm a secret security camera."

The sheep takes pride in his new living accommodations and his situation as well.

"Most of the sheep that MinecraftYoshi26 has dealt with have died from his doing. For me however, he's paved over me and given me a new life," said the sheep. "I'm very thankful."

As he continues to live under there for eternity presumably, the sheep feels as he will have ultimate stardom and fame.

"I'm going to be famous soon and they'll call me 'That Cool Road Sheep'," said the sheep. "Where I am now and what I will be doing will not only represent the sheep population as a whole but be a hero that will be honored for generations."
Whodunnit? Host Actually Dunnit
MinecraftYoshi26 took one last picture of his victims.

by _Kastle
March 4, 2017, 6:45 p.m.

GUND VALLEY - The KIA police were spotted today escorting Whodunnit? host MinecraftYoshi26 out of the Whodunnit Manor. Chief Kitanian Prosecutor KittyCat11231 claims that he was the one who did it.

"MinecraftYoshi26 is suspected of committing several brutal murders across the span of two seasons of the not-so-hit game show Whodunnit?. The City-State of Kitania will not rest until this criminal mastermind is brought to justice," said KittyCat11231.

Prosecutors claim that there is clear evidence that this string of murders was premeditated and committed by MinecraftYoshi26. As he was led away by authorities, Yoshi screamed, "You've got the wrong man! It was Baseball02a!" who was the killer for season one of the show. However, prosecutors cited the the Whodunnit? wiki page, which states, "The Killer is a contestant that is told that he or she is the murderer, however, he or she actually does not know anything about the murders, and must keep his or her identity secret. He or she is there for show only."

Yoshi's trial is expected to be brought before the City-State of Kitania Supreme Court later this week, with KittyCat11231 presiding as prosecutor, judge, jury, and executioner. When asked by The Radish if this arrangement violated Yoshi's right to a fair trial, KittyCat11231 cited the Kitania Bill of No Rights Act.

Meanwhile, Aliksong was seen outside the press conference reminding everyone that he was a judge too, but no one seemed to care very much.
New Forms Of Life Found In Space World
The pseudoscientists released this sketch of where the new forms of life live.

by MinecraftYoshi26
March 4, 2017, 8:54 a.m.

ACHOWALOGEN TAKACHSIN - In a press conference in Achowalogen Takachsin, Tom_Pairs and his fellow pseudoscientists released the information that they have found new life on the Space World after months of research. They have been monitoring Space World activity for the past month and were alerted when strange activity occured. Please note that all quotes from Tom_Pairs have been reworded to try to translate from "Tom Lanagage".

"When I saw large amounts of activity on the Space World, I knew that something was up," said Tom_Pairs, using his knowledge that no one builds on the Space World. "I basically own the Space World and when someone was building on it, I was shocked."

Tom_Pairs and his fellow pseudoscientists were shocked to see activity in such large margins and had recorded it immediately. They knew they had to take action to make sure that this was real.

"The large amount of activity there angered me, as they were building in my world," said Tom_Pairs, who does not own the Space World. "They didn't build something I liked, so they are breaking International Space Law."

Pseudoscientists have inconclusive data to whether these new beings are friendly or not, but relayed the pseudoscientists some messages. The pseudoscientists have tried to translate to English as best as they could.

"We moved here cause we saw that there was so much open space that no one was using," says the translated message.

Tom_Pairs and his team have yet to release more information but was hopeful to find a lot of new information.

"These advancements in the Space World are very helpful, and I can't wait to find out more," said Tom_Pairs, knowing that this would finally make his Space World relevant rather than empty space.
How IntraShare Deceived The Authorities Worldwide
by _Kastle
March 3, 2017, 9:01 p.m.
Inspectorgator Moonfang123 attempts to hail an IntraShare to find a ghost car.

COVINA - The Mossack Fonseca subsidiary, IntraShare, engaged in a massive scheme to infiltrate the Covinian transportation, despite being banned from Covina and its territories. IntraShare repeatedly used deceptive tactics to evade BART police and Covina Military Police officers.

The program, involving a tool called hairball, uses data collected from the IntraShare app and other techniques to identify and circumvent officials who were trying to clamp down on the ride-hailing service. IntraShare used these methods to evade the authorities in cities like Covina, Victorian City, and Los Angeles.

Hairball was part of a program called ILLEGAL, short for "IntraShare Loves Law Enforcement Groups and Abides by the Law," which IntraShare created to root out people it thought were using or targeting its service improperly (Their terms of service have a strict clause exempting IntraShare from all laws). The program, including Hairball, began as early as 2014 and remains in use, predominantly outside of Covina. Hairball was approved by IntraShare's legal team.

Hairball and the ILLEGAL program were described to The Radish by four current and former IntraShare employees, who also provided documents. The four spoke on the condition of anonymity because the tools and their use are confidential and because of fear of retaliation by the Kitanian Government, who has a close relationship with Mossack Fonseca and IntraShare.

IntraShare's use of Hairball was recorded on video in late 2014, when Chief Inspectorgator Mr. Moonfang123, a code enforcement officer for the BART Police, tried to hail an IntraShare car downtown in a sting operation against the company.

At the time, IntraShare had just started its ride-hailing service in Covina without seeking permission from the city, which later declared the service illegal. To build a case against the company, officers like Mr. Moonfang123 posed as riders, opening the IntraShare app to hail a car and watching as miniature vehicles on the screen made their way toward the potential fares.

But unknown to Mr. Moonfang123 and other authorities, some of the digital cars they saw in the app did not represent actual vehicles. And the IntraShare drivers they were able to hail also quickly canceled. That was because IntraShare had tagged Mr. Moonfang123 and his colleagues - essentially hairballing them as city officials - based on data collected from the app and in other ways. The company then served up a fake version of the app, populated with ghost cars, to evade capture.

At a time when IntraShare is already under scrutiny for its boundary-pushing workplace culture, such as midget tossing parties and alleged use of catnip to reward its employees, its use of the hairball tool underscores the lengths to which the company will go to dominate its market. IntraShare has long flouted laws and regulations to gain an edge against entrenched transportation providers, a modus operandi that has helped propel it into more than 70 cities and to a valuation close to $70 billion, or about 100,000 times the value of the MRT economy.

Yet using its app to identify and sidestep the authorities where regulators said IntraShare was breaking the law goes further toward skirting ethical lines - and, potentially, legal ones. Some at IntraShare who knew of the ILLEGAL program and how the hairball tool was being used were troubled by it.

In a statement, IntraShare said, "This program denies ride requests to users who are violating our terms of service - whether that's people aiming to physically harm drivers, competitors looking to disrupt our operations, or police officers trying to carry out their legitimate law enforcement duties."

The mayor of Covina, _Kastle, said in a statement, "I am very concerned that IntraShare may have purposefully worked to thwart the city's job to protect the public. And I'm not saying that we're going to be planting explosives in IntraShare cars, I'm just saying that the Covina Fire Department will be deploying extra firefighters for the next few weeks."

IntraShare, which lets people hail rides using a Catphone app, operates multiple types of services, including a luxury Black Car offering in which drivers are commercially licensed. But an IntraShare service that many regulators have had problems with is the lower-cost version, known as IntraShareX.

IntraShareX essentially lets people who have passed a background check and vehicle inspection become IntraShare drivers quickly. In the past, many cities have banned the service and declared it illegal.

That is because the ability to summon a noncommercial driver - which is how IntraShareX drivers using private vehicles are typically categorized - was often unregulated. In barreling into new markets, IntraShare capitalized on this lack of regulation to quickly enlist IntraShareX drivers and put them to work before local regulators could stop them. This practice proved especially lucrative in Utopia, which has extremely lax laws regarding slavery.

After the authorities caught on to what was happening, IntraShare and local officials often clashed. IntraShare has encountered legal problems over IntraShareX in cities including Hummingbird Islands, which is vehemently opposed to all roads, Whitechapel, despite the government being on an extended 6 month holiday, and Central City, where guests were repeatedly ran over by intoxicated IntraShare drivers. Eventually, agreements were reached under which regulators developed a legal framework for the low-cost service.

That approach has been costly. Law enforcement officials in some cities have impounded vehicles or issued tickets to IntraShareX drivers, with IntraShare generally picking up those costs on the drivers' behalf, after charging the drivers a fee payment fee equal to the fees IntraShare was required to pay with an added 50% administrative fee. The company has estimated thousands of dollars in lost revenue for every vehicle impounded and ticket received.

This is where the ILLEGAL program and the use of the hairball tool came in. When IntraShare moved into a new city, it appointed a general manager to lead the charge. This person, using various technologies and techniques, would try to spot enforcement officers.

One technique involved drawing a digital perimeter, or "a box," around the government offices on a digital map of a city that IntraShare was monitoring. The company watched which people were frequently opening and closing the app - a process known internally as eyeballing - near such locations as evidence that the users might be associated with city agencies.

Other techniques included looking at a user's profile information and seeing if the user wrote "anti-IntraShare enforcement officer" as their occupation. This practice proved to be quite effective.

Enforcement officials involved in large-scale sting operations meant to catch IntraShare drivers would sometimes buy dozens of cellphones to create different accounts. To circumvent that tactic, IntraShare employees would go to BART Deviced stores to look up device numbers of the cheapest mobile phones for sale, which were often the ones bought by city officials working with budgets that were not large.

In all, there were at least a dozen or so signifiers in the ILLEGAL program that IntraShare employees could use to assess whether users were regular new riders or probably city officials.

If such clues did not confirm a user's identity, IntraShare employees disguised themselves as cats stuck in trees to see if law enforcement officers would rescue them. If users were identified as being linked to law enforcement, IntraShare hairballed them by tagging them with a small piece of code that read "hairball" followed by a string of numbers.

Rather than respond to the comment, KittyCat11231 preferred to play with some fish.
When someone tagged this way called a car, IntraShare could scramble a set of ghost cars in a fake version of the app for that person to see, or show that no cars were available. Occasionally, if a driver accidentally picked up someone tagged as an officer, IntraShare called the driver with instructions to drive off of the nearest cliff and press the "EJECT" button.

IntraShare employees said the practices and tools were born in part out of safety measures meant to protect drivers in some countries. In Matheson, for instance, taxi companies and workers targeted and attacked new IntraShare drivers by running over their cars with giant buses.

"They're crushing the cars with busses," singer autobus22 posted on BlueBird from an IntraShare car in Bexley at a time of clashes between the company and taxi drivers in 2015. Mr. Bus said that protesters had ambushed his IntraShare ride and had held his driver hostage. "This is Bexley? I'm safer in the Kitanian Void Zone."

IntraShare has said it was also at risk from tactics used by taxi and limousine companies in some markets. In Elecna Bay, for instance, IntraShare cited collusion between the local transportation authority and taxi companies in fighting ride-hailing services.

In those areas, hairballing started as a way to scramble the locations of IntraShareX drivers to prevent competitors from finding them. IntraShare said that was still the tool's primary use.

But as IntraShare moved into new markets, its engineers saw that the same methods could be used to evade law enforcement. Once the hairball tool was put in place and tested, IntraShare engineers created a playbook with a list of tactics and distributed it to general managers in more than a dozen cities.

At least one person inside IntraShare knew about hairball, and some had qualms about whether it was ethical or legal. hairball was approved by IntraShare's legal team, led by KittyCat11231, the company's general counsel. KittyCat11231, an early hire who became senior vice president of global operations and a board member, was also aware of the program.

KittyCat11231 and KittyCat11231 did not respond to requests for comment.

Outside legal specialists said they were uncertain about the legality of the program. hairball could be considered a violation of the Do What Kastle Says Act, or possibly intentional obstruction of justice, depending on local laws and jurisdictions, said _Kastle, a law professor at BART University who also writes for The Radish.

"With any type of systematic thwarting of the law, you're flirting with [nuclear] disaster," said Professor _Kastle. "We all take our foot off the gas when we see the police car at the intersection up ahead, and there's nothing wrong with that. But this goes far beyond avoiding a speed trap."

On Friday, jphgolf4321, a member of the United Cities Parliament for the WE ARE TOTALLY NOT THE ESTABLISHMENT Party in Laclede, wrote that he had written to the United Cities Commission asking, among other things, if it planned to investigate the legality of hairball.

To date, hairballing has been effective. In Covina on that day in late 2014, Mr. Moonfang123, the enforcement officer, did not catch an IntraShare, according to local reports.

And two weeks after IntraShare began dispatching drivers in Covina, the Covina Supreme Court sided with a lower ruling from the BART Court that IntraShare was illegal under Covinian Law. The ruling, however, mysteriously granted an exemption for BARTlyft, an up and coming rideshare service by Bay Area Rapid Transit.
Cal76 Prepared For Re-Election After Presiding Over Zero Cases
Cal76 sits on his throne ready for the re-election trying to look casual to get votes.

by MinecraftYoshi26
March 3, 2017, 6:02 p.m.

WAVERLY - As the next United Cities election approaches, many people get prepared for the election season and campaign ads. The current Chief Justice, cal76, is sure that he will get re-elected after he has presided over zero cases.

"My run as Chief Justice has helped the United Cities so much so far. I think my experience running the courts will help me win for sure," said cal76.

The United Cities have been very active in the past few months making large, monumental decisions, such as building a canal that is not under United Cities rules, creating amendments that amend amendments, and proposing more canals that are sure to not be built within a year of the proposal. All of these actions have helped cal76 gain experience from doing his job as Chief Justice, helping solve the nonexistent issues between players.

"The importance of the United Cities has grown because of me," said cal76. "The number of canals that the United Cities have proposed have increased by over 200% under my control of the court."

Cal76 plans to run ads that show that under his role in the courts, nothing has gone disastrous in the court and will make sure to leave out that nothing good has happened with the United Cities as well.

"I've got this election in the bag. I've done more cases than my opponent," said cal76, not knowing that his opponent would be a player who has had dealt with 500% more cases than he has.

Camelfantasy has voiced his opinion that he prefers cal76 over his unrevealed opponent and will be voting for cal76.

"I'm voting for cal76 because I think he will take the United Cities in the same direction the League of Cities did: to Resolution 31," said camelfantasy.

The United Cities election is coming soon, and is a crucial one. The winners will not only change the politics of the United Cities, but will also delegate who will be on the canal-building committee that will ultimately pass the canal off to _Kastle and who will run the courts that will have one court case in 2017 that will end up dissolving the United Cities.
Narnia17 Decides To Get Pizza As Soon As Hackers Come On The Server
Narnia17 had to search through difficult areas just to get his pizza.

by MinecraftYoshi26
March 3, 2017, 5:26 p.m.

UTOPIA - As Narnia17 was in Utopia working on his town, he saw that he had many world edit requests in line and that suspicious guests began to join. After doing three world edits and having ten more in line, Narnia17 decided that it was time to get pizza. As he was ready to get off, he saw that guests such as "WeWillHackYou69" and "xX_MRTSux_Xx" joined, and decided to say goodbye due to his appetite.

"I saw the guests joining and thought that Ortem could deal with it," said Narnia17, unaware that Ortem had his chat off, was AFK, and also getting pizza. "All I could think about was what I was going to order."

Narnia17 then left, unaware that him leaving would ultimately cause the end of the server. Cal76 later came on and tried to stop the hackers but ultimately failed after trying to distract them by singing All Star. The hackers left the message by spamming "WERE GOING 2 DESTROY THE MRT!!1!! WE ALSO H8 FRUMPL!!!!" Language experts are still trying to decode this message that they left, not recognizing the language. Some experts say it could be Turkish or Russian, but do not have enough confidence to confirm.

UPDATE: After Frumple saved the server from shutting down, Narnia17 came back unaware and made a statement.

"The server almost died but at least I got the pizza," said Narnia17, almost being demoted but reminded that there was going to be less leniency next time. "The pizza guy was nice, I think him and I are going to be great friends. I think he should be the next admin."